Well, the nice weather is here and with some money left on the budget, thanks to my lovely grandparents for their kindness with "pocket money". Yes, I know I'm 27 - I have pointed this out to them several times. I get that look if I try to refuse though. I'm very grateful to them for it. :)
As a result, I have treated myself to a multifunction composter.
The Wormery have this little beauty going for £52 (that's including postage) - which is a nice little bargain: the next best I found was only three trays high, and £72.
I've picked this over a standard composter because it has a leach-away tap (for producing liquid fertiliser!), is insect friendly if I actually want to put worms in, will work efficiently as a standard composter if I don't, and I can put it in the dark, concreted corner of the garden that isn't much use for anything else.
Liquid fertiliser, solid compost, recycling food waste, using the footing to make a small animal hideaway for frogs etc and maximising useage of my small plot of garden space.
Anyone know where I can get a nice bench? And a gate? And I need to work out how to fix the brick (or to buy a whole new) barbecue... My garden will be functional when I'm done.
Thursday, 18 April 2013
Saturday, 13 April 2013
Oh boy, what a day.
Work was ... tricky.
Besides a couple of tricky queries to programme and a couple of problems to solve, I had not one, but three groups of people come in to notify me of family member customers whom had passed away today - two groups arrived at the same time and took some careful juggling.
Luckily, my boss predicted this (being as I am the only trained Estates staff member in my branch) and sent my colleague in to have a speed-training session with me whilst I handled a case. They were a truly lovely family too, organised, jovial, kind - despite the sad circumstances, they were a genuine pleasure to work with.
This meant my colleague was able to take the less-tricky second case whilst I took on the hard one. I can't give you details, but it wasn't pretty. I did my best, and I hope things get easier for them.
So yeah, that was... interesting. But not nearly as interesting as hometime.
Grabbed veg on my roar through Marks&Sparks (not because I'm posh. It's the direct route through town for me!) and milk on the way past Costcutters (because I'm not posh and it's a fair price!). Turned the corner on the home stretch and frowned at a big bundle of something in the middle of the path.
Figured it was something the chap at 122 was moving and maybe he'd nipped in to grab the phone or something.... then I realised it was a person.
Yes, there was a dude sat in the middle of the path, hanging on to his ankle, twizzled up on himself like a hedgehog. The chap from 122 popped out and confirmed the fella had parked himself on the floor, curled up awkwardly and stayed there.
I called the ambulance and we carefully tried to unravel him. He made a grunty snorting noise and curled himself back up - dropping a baggie of white tablets as he did so. (They were about a cm long, oval, 4mm wide, with a break line in the middle.)
I have no idea what he was smacked out on, but his pupils were like pins and apparently his face was really itchy. The ambulance chaps were less than impressed but, as he was in really unstable condition and lapsing in and out of consciousness, they took him away.
So. Yeah. That's about one a month so far: we've had the poor diabetic old chap in the middle of town collapsed on Valentines (with his big bunch of roses for his wife, to apologise for being staggering drunk!), we had the raging girls in the middle of my street (see a post of a few weeks back) and now this chap.
Got home, made layer veg pasta, advised a rescuer on how to deal with a seriously sick bearded dragon, added three more appointments to my calendar (a quiz on Thurs, work's night out later in the month, my father visiting at the weekend), confirmed that the weird scary thing that turned up at the university IS actually mine and, now it's coming up to 9pm, I think I'm caught up.
Besides a couple of tricky queries to programme and a couple of problems to solve, I had not one, but three groups of people come in to notify me of family member customers whom had passed away today - two groups arrived at the same time and took some careful juggling.
Luckily, my boss predicted this (being as I am the only trained Estates staff member in my branch) and sent my colleague in to have a speed-training session with me whilst I handled a case. They were a truly lovely family too, organised, jovial, kind - despite the sad circumstances, they were a genuine pleasure to work with.
This meant my colleague was able to take the less-tricky second case whilst I took on the hard one. I can't give you details, but it wasn't pretty. I did my best, and I hope things get easier for them.
So yeah, that was... interesting. But not nearly as interesting as hometime.
Grabbed veg on my roar through Marks&Sparks (not because I'm posh. It's the direct route through town for me!) and milk on the way past Costcutters (because I'm not posh and it's a fair price!). Turned the corner on the home stretch and frowned at a big bundle of something in the middle of the path.
Figured it was something the chap at 122 was moving and maybe he'd nipped in to grab the phone or something.... then I realised it was a person.
Yes, there was a dude sat in the middle of the path, hanging on to his ankle, twizzled up on himself like a hedgehog. The chap from 122 popped out and confirmed the fella had parked himself on the floor, curled up awkwardly and stayed there.
I called the ambulance and we carefully tried to unravel him. He made a grunty snorting noise and curled himself back up - dropping a baggie of white tablets as he did so. (They were about a cm long, oval, 4mm wide, with a break line in the middle.)
I have no idea what he was smacked out on, but his pupils were like pins and apparently his face was really itchy. The ambulance chaps were less than impressed but, as he was in really unstable condition and lapsing in and out of consciousness, they took him away.
So. Yeah. That's about one a month so far: we've had the poor diabetic old chap in the middle of town collapsed on Valentines (with his big bunch of roses for his wife, to apologise for being staggering drunk!), we had the raging girls in the middle of my street (see a post of a few weeks back) and now this chap.
Got home, made layer veg pasta, advised a rescuer on how to deal with a seriously sick bearded dragon, added three more appointments to my calendar (a quiz on Thurs, work's night out later in the month, my father visiting at the weekend), confirmed that the weird scary thing that turned up at the university IS actually mine and, now it's coming up to 9pm, I think I'm caught up.
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
I've been doing some thinking.
I have come to the conclusion that I'm doing a few things wrong - and that I need to fix these issues.
Problems:
a) I keep seeking validation from others.
a) I keep expecting my father to make an expression of "I'm proud of you".
a) I keep procrastinating over things that I can do - putting them off for no good reason.
Improving:
b) I have got much better at saying "I don't know" and trying to learn (at work, etc) as well as taking responsibility for and admitting and fixing my own errors.
b) I have got much better at expressing my concerns and my faults. (This post - made public, deliberately, is an effort to work on this.)
b) I have realised I have pretty good eyebrows. Not sure why, but they're nice.
b) I have got used to the idea that I'm always going to be tall and broad (even if I was five stone lighter, my shoulders and hips are always going to be this wide! And I'd be anorexic.)
b) I'm pretty sure ALL people have problem finding clothes that actually fit right, and that it only LOOKS like other size groups of shoes look more exciting than what's available in my range in the shop...
Further improvements required:
c) I need to find more joy (even in the boring bits) in my job.
c) I need to accept that my father and I simply aren't compatible.
c) I need to make a better effort to connect with the rest of my family - more regularly. (With thanks to Mum and Nan for their efforts as always - it is always appreciated!)
c) I need to remember the stuff I don't look forward to usually turns out to be not nearly so bad. And is usually satisfying at the end.
c) I need to learn to accept gifts, and not feel guilty if I can't return the favour. My family are giving me gifts because they can, not because they expect the same in return, not because they're the Mafia and I owe them a favour! (Though I'd never refuse a request if I can help!)
c) I need to stop procrastinating about joining the gym. I know it's bloody expensive, but I do need to take better care of myself. See, I'm doing it now.
Problems:
a) I keep seeking validation from others.
a) I keep expecting my father to make an expression of "I'm proud of you".
a) I keep procrastinating over things that I can do - putting them off for no good reason.
Improving:
b) I have got much better at saying "I don't know" and trying to learn (at work, etc) as well as taking responsibility for and admitting and fixing my own errors.
b) I have got much better at expressing my concerns and my faults. (This post - made public, deliberately, is an effort to work on this.)
b) I have realised I have pretty good eyebrows. Not sure why, but they're nice.
b) I have got used to the idea that I'm always going to be tall and broad (even if I was five stone lighter, my shoulders and hips are always going to be this wide! And I'd be anorexic.)
b) I'm pretty sure ALL people have problem finding clothes that actually fit right, and that it only LOOKS like other size groups of shoes look more exciting than what's available in my range in the shop...
Further improvements required:
c) I need to find more joy (even in the boring bits) in my job.
c) I need to accept that my father and I simply aren't compatible.
c) I need to make a better effort to connect with the rest of my family - more regularly. (With thanks to Mum and Nan for their efforts as always - it is always appreciated!)
c) I need to remember the stuff I don't look forward to usually turns out to be not nearly so bad. And is usually satisfying at the end.
c) I need to learn to accept gifts, and not feel guilty if I can't return the favour. My family are giving me gifts because they can, not because they expect the same in return, not because they're the Mafia and I owe them a favour! (Though I'd never refuse a request if I can help!)
c) I need to stop procrastinating about joining the gym. I know it's bloody expensive, but I do need to take better care of myself. See, I'm doing it now.
Thursday, 21 March 2013
Just So
So, we got to talking a few days back - and I learned something interesting. Whilst Himself had Gameboys, Nintendos and more as a child - he never had the Just So Stories.
So I'm reading them on an evening, out loud, proper bedtime stories, to make up for not having Just So in the past. (Just as it should be, Best Beloved, do you see?)
We just did my favourite "Stickly-Prickly, Slow-and-Solid and the Painted Jaguars" and I'm looking forward to telling him the tale of "How The Alphabet Was Made", but not before "The First Words", of course. Ooh, and "How the Leopard Got His Spots"...
If you want to join in and share the wonderful timeless tales, Project Gutenberg has them on file for free!
So I'm reading them on an evening, out loud, proper bedtime stories, to make up for not having Just So in the past. (Just as it should be, Best Beloved, do you see?)
We just did my favourite "Stickly-Prickly, Slow-and-Solid and the Painted Jaguars" and I'm looking forward to telling him the tale of "How The Alphabet Was Made", but not before "The First Words", of course. Ooh, and "How the Leopard Got His Spots"...
If you want to join in and share the wonderful timeless tales, Project Gutenberg has them on file for free!
Monday, 4 March 2013
Cat fight
Well, that was exciting.
Woke up at 4:20 to the sound of screaming (thought it was Rich snoring at first!) and went out to discover two girls lying in the middle of my road, hair extensions everywhere.
The nice couple from down the road came out and helped separate them, and the blonde stormed off screaming and shouting - fortunately in the wrong direction; they were quite lost.
(They'd have to be, to end up here from town!)
My goodness, she was only 16. Smashed out of her head, having spent the night at a gay bar..
I called the cops, took the other to find her bag and the other half of her broken glasses (seems I got lucky and picked the rational one, a little older, just trying to care for her off-the-rails friend) before bringing her back here for a cup of sweet tea and a chat with the local bobbies.
She reckons her friends drink was probably spiked.
Well, normally this is a very quiet street - it is just far enough from town and obscure-direction enough not to get hassle.
These girls had been visiting friends at the flats, about two minutes walk away, when the blonde one got into trouble.
Turned out there was a pretty mighty fist fight, and she ended up on our street, where her friend was trying to stop her running off further, and call the blonde ones mother.
Blonde was making SO much noise, I thought someone was in serious trouble - and, idiot I am, I got up and headed right for it.
The less-than-classy lady just down the road stuck her head out and just hollered at them: not particularly conducive to resolving the issue. More, adding to the problem of waking others up.
I'm probably going to get a really weird reputation, having police round at 4:30 am.
Woke up at 4:20 to the sound of screaming (thought it was Rich snoring at first!) and went out to discover two girls lying in the middle of my road, hair extensions everywhere.
The nice couple from down the road came out and helped separate them, and the blonde stormed off screaming and shouting - fortunately in the wrong direction; they were quite lost.
(They'd have to be, to end up here from town!)
My goodness, she was only 16. Smashed out of her head, having spent the night at a gay bar..
I called the cops, took the other to find her bag and the other half of her broken glasses (seems I got lucky and picked the rational one, a little older, just trying to care for her off-the-rails friend) before bringing her back here for a cup of sweet tea and a chat with the local bobbies.
She reckons her friends drink was probably spiked.
Well, normally this is a very quiet street - it is just far enough from town and obscure-direction enough not to get hassle.
These girls had been visiting friends at the flats, about two minutes walk away, when the blonde one got into trouble.
Turned out there was a pretty mighty fist fight, and she ended up on our street, where her friend was trying to stop her running off further, and call the blonde ones mother.
Blonde was making SO much noise, I thought someone was in serious trouble - and, idiot I am, I got up and headed right for it.
The less-than-classy lady just down the road stuck her head out and just hollered at them: not particularly conducive to resolving the issue. More, adding to the problem of waking others up.
I'm probably going to get a really weird reputation, having police round at 4:30 am.
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Jumping Jacques
If Jacques previous owner was even interested, well, heck, he wouldn't recognise his dragon any more. He's doubled his weight in six months, nice and slowly, to 321g. He has headfats, his spine is no longer visible, his tail has bulked out and his muscles are in much better shape. He'll always be on the short side due to malnutrition in his formative months, but oh, he is so much a different lizard.
The last few weeks has brought about an amazing change in his attitude too; after months of aggression, snapping and tail whipping, he has mellowed out. He has got happy colours, and only flinches if someone does something he's not expecting. He still gets grumpy if you tickle his earspikes, but he's starting to chill out about everything else - including people touching his tail.
Jac's even getting the hang of this "being hugged" thing, and is starting to understand the proper way to be picked up - under the chest rather than over his back. It's dawning on him that it feels much more secure and less like someone's going to eat him.
The last few weeks has brought about an amazing change in his attitude too; after months of aggression, snapping and tail whipping, he has mellowed out. He has got happy colours, and only flinches if someone does something he's not expecting. He still gets grumpy if you tickle his earspikes, but he's starting to chill out about everything else - including people touching his tail.
Jac's even getting the hang of this "being hugged" thing, and is starting to understand the proper way to be picked up - under the chest rather than over his back. It's dawning on him that it feels much more secure and less like someone's going to eat him.

Thursday, 28 February 2013
David and the Dragons...
I sent two identical photos of said dragons, one blank, and one with a little information about each lizard on the back. (And a compliment from Tsam). I must have caught him at home, because I was surprised to see an envelope with my name on it so soon.
Lo and behold, Sir David Attenborough has (incredibly kindly) sent back the spare photo with his autograph on! How awesomesauce is that?! Hehe, Sir David Attenborough knows what my lizards looks like and their names...
I can't get over giggling at how cool that is!
Saturday, 16 February 2013
Interesting thing of the day: "Micromort".
Ronald A. Howard, a risk analyser, coined the term - a micromort is a one-in-a-million chance of death, and it's a handy probability calculator as well as risk definer.
Smoking 1.4 cigarettes or living 2 months with a smoker is one micromort. Other one micormort units include living for 15 years within 20 miles of a nuclear power plant (cancer from radiation), drinking seventy pints of beer per year, and even dying from black lung disease after spending one hour in a coal mine...
Bad luck if you live in New York - just two days there is also equal to one micromort too.
Apparently the average price of a micromort in 2009 was $50 - the amount people are willing to pay to add extra safety features, on things such as driving a car, to reduce their micromort rating by one.
Furthermore, there's such a thing as a "microlife": that's 30 minutes off your life expectancy. Smoking two cigarettes has a cost of one microlife, as does every 5 kilograms over your ideal weight...
You can calculate your micromort probability rating for a variety of things here: http://www.deathriskrankings.com/MortStats.aspx
More fascinating insights on micro- lives and morts are available here: http://understandinguncertainty.org/microlives
Friday, 1 February 2013
Box-eyed Beardies...
Every time a new scene catches his attention, he twitches slightly as he adjusts to get a better look at it. The worn boulders in the ice field worried him slightly - he wasn't sure what it was.
All the lizards like watching David Attenborough's shows - they can see the TV from their tanks, and I can confirm they pay more attention to his programmes (particularly the Life series) than any other!
Haha! As I'm typing this, a different show came on. Tsam has realised it is no longer Sir David presenting/narrating... and he has lost interest! He has snuggled up on my shoulder to sleep now his favourite programme has finished!
Lawl! He started kicking me until I turned this other chap off... Funny sod.
Sir David Attenborough , I hope you're flattered - these dragons have declared that you are the best. They're also sending you a letter!
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Things that happened today:
I mostly poked numbers and failed to book more than one appointment. People don't want appointments so close to Chrifsmas.
Rich was at his work's do, so I mooched the reduced price shelves, found nothing interesting (other than asparagus for 80p) and came home in the rain.
My umbrella folded itself up on me twice, somewhat comically. Stomped in a large puddle. Deliberately.
I ate slightly stale crumpets for dinner, having found nothing better at the shop.
Hyphen dribbled on me. You've never met such a drooly dragon.
Jac tried to bite me twice, so I have given him the carpet cutout and a toughened glass mirror. He needs to burn off that aggression and develop a better attitude. I will not tolerate a vicious lizard.
Sandy and Mocha dozed, and I found Tsam asleep and chilled through by the kitchen door. Silly bugger.
Wrapped some more presents. I love gift wrapping.
Rich was at his work's do, so I mooched the reduced price shelves, found nothing interesting (other than asparagus for 80p) and came home in the rain.
My umbrella folded itself up on me twice, somewhat comically. Stomped in a large puddle. Deliberately.
I ate slightly stale crumpets for dinner, having found nothing better at the shop.
Hyphen dribbled on me. You've never met such a drooly dragon.
Jac tried to bite me twice, so I have given him the carpet cutout and a toughened glass mirror. He needs to burn off that aggression and develop a better attitude. I will not tolerate a vicious lizard.
Sandy and Mocha dozed, and I found Tsam asleep and chilled through by the kitchen door. Silly bugger.
Wrapped some more presents. I love gift wrapping.
Thursday, 13 December 2012
Badass Animals of the Year 2012

This is a live action photo taken by Donna, of a giant preying mantis jumping to attack. In her own words: "They're not huggy pets. Those suckers have sharp claws."
I'm fairly sure this is Hierodula membranacea, badass for not being picky about what it eats - and famous for giving all mantids the "man-eater" reputation due to this habit!
WARNING: SPIDER POST!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE SPIDERS, STOP SCROLLING NOW!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE SPIDERS, STOP SCROLLING NOW!
Known usually as the "Water Spider" or "Diving Bell Spider", this is the only completely aquatic spider in the world...!
It is found in Europe and Asia, from the UK to Siberia, and lives in ponds, slow moving streams and shallow lakes, building an underwater retreat from silk, filling it with air it carries from the surface by trapping air bubbles in the hairs that cover its body and legs.
The bubble is bell-shaped with a silvery shine, hence the spider’s latin name Argyroneta - “silvery net”. The spider spends most of its time inside the bell, and only has to replenish the air once in a while. It feeds on whatever aquatic invertebrate they can capture, including backswimmers, water striders and diverse larvae; they also hunt tadpoles and small fish occasionally!
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
The first chapter of "42".
There are a lot of theories to the big questions - many with a LOT of evidence to support them. So, rather than go through the pros and cons of them all, I'll take you through the theories I feel are most accurate, theories based on the works of some of the greatest minds on the planet, past and present.
I must point out at this point that I am no expert - I'm merely an interested amateur with a thirst for understanding; clearly you are too, or you wouldn't be here. It is important to note that we do not have all the answers at this current time. This is not to say we will not have the answers, and it certainly doesn't necessarily mean "God did it!". It could be, but we don't have proof for this yet.
For example, we don't fully understand what gravity is - but you don't hear people going "Well, duh! God personally holds us to the ground!", do you? (Unless you're a Pastafarian, obviously! But even so, the Pastafarians understand not to take things utterly seriously...)
The other side of the table of course is that, if we accept "God did it!" as our answer - well, we risk still dying of bad smells and curses! It is only by trying to find answers for ourselves that we actually find answers.
I'm also aware that some of the answers we find are highly technical - and I don't know about you, but I'm no physicist. So, I'm going to try to explain them as clearly as I am able. After all, Albert Einstein himself famously said "If you can't explain something simply, you don't know enough about it. You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother."
So, where do we start with such diffiult questions? Well, naturally, we'll start at the beginning!
*******************
The dawn of the first day...
Energy.
Batteries. In your phone, laptop, anything - a battery stores energy in a chemical format. You can then use the energy from that chemical format to emit photons (light beams), another energy format, from your computer screen. You can use it to make sound come from your speakers and some of that energy is turned into vibration by your fan...
Energy comes in lots of "flavours", each of which can be wildly different from the others.Sound is very different from light which is very different from heat. And they're just three examples, in this universe, in your "local" dimensions. They've recently proved that photons work in both wave AND particle form - imagine if water was water waves and then icecubes, all at the same time. Icecubes that flow. Kinda screwy, right?
Welcome to physics.
Someone, and I can't put my finger on whom at this moment, said something along the lines of "If it doesn't scare you a little, you're not understanding it properly." Our little bubble of universe has a big mix of flavours in it - but there could be even more that we haven't even begun to get our heads round.
Anyway, long story short, the upshot of this theory is that prior to, and around the universe, is a different flavour of energy - dimensions are just other versions of flavour, if you will.
The "bubble universe" theory starts out as a transmutation of energies - the Big Bang, some 13.7 billion years ago. Some people understand it as a fissure that spews out amazing amounts of energy - like the back end of a black hole from another dimension, if you could imagine such a thing... (Stephen Hawking does some interesting writing on the types of potential universes in "Universe in a Nutshell: http://www.hawking.org.uk/)
When that fissure originally opened, all kinds of crazy energy suddenly slammed through the hole, converting into the dimensions we're now familiar with (and the ones we ain't! Physics joke also.) and roaring out at amazing speeds. At this point, things are all kinds of crazy and all the fundamental forces are thought to be just one unified force.
Now, Mr Higgs came up with an idea for how these very first energies worked. http://www.ph.ed.ac.uk/higgs/ And just recently, CERN and the LHC found the particle Mr Higgs has been looking for, for so long.
The Higgs Boson.
I'm going to have to grossly oversimplify here. The Higgs Boson created a field, acting as the "fences" of a garden - all this energy was roaring in through the "gate", the fissure, into the garden. Like a garden party, only so many people fit in before they get squished up against the fences - the people behind have to slow down to get in, and then the fence will give way once everyone has jammed in, slowed down and is pushing against it.
I'm guessing you already know the law of states, but just in case, more energy = more excitement. Water is a great example of this: less energy, it becomes ice. More energy, it turns from solid to liquid. Hotter = turn to water, hotter = turn to gas, hotter = turn to plasma...
The fences allowed this quark-gluon plasma to slow down and cool off enough to turn into "liquid" universe, if you'll excuse a physics pun.
We end up with an amazing abundance of photons, and then a whackload of stuff that starts sticking together as it's all cramming through the "gap". The fences collapse and the matter has been expanding ever since, pushing the boundary of the universe ever outward. (You might also be interested to know that this is called the Planck epoch, zero to approximately 10-43 seconds from the event.)
We know this expansion is a fact because of a phenomenon called "microwave background radiation" (leftover heat from this early, extremely hot and dense universe) as well as "Red Shift phasing". That's also pretty tricky to explain in laymans terms - but I'll give it a go.
If you know what the "Doppler effect" is, then you can skip this point to the next set of asterisks - the Doppler effect doesn't just work on sound, it works on light, too. If you don't, please read on as normal.
*******************
"Blue" light travels very VERY fast. The "bluer" it gets, the faster and tighter the waveform.
As it happens, sound does the same thing - when something comes towards you, the soundwave gets pushed forwards, compressed, so the pitch rises. The "Nnnnnnneeeeeee" as a racecar comes roaring towards you, it always goes up in sound.
Light does the same thing, technically - as it not only behaves like particles, it also behaves like a wave.
The tighter the compression, the "bluer" the light, all the way up into ultraviolet, xrays and stuff. The wider the frequency, and the light goes red - all the way to infrared (that's heat to you) and beyond... Or "Yooooowwwwwwwnnnng!" as the pitch of the engine note from the car now hurtling away from you goes - dropping in tone.
*******************
The Red Shift properly applies to "the standard model" - the universe in "liquid" state, a few picoseconds after the beginning.
And after the beginning... came the early universe. Though it took over 400,000 years for everything to calm down enough for nuclei to capture electrons!
Once atoms started to form, the universe really started to evolve....
I must point out at this point that I am no expert - I'm merely an interested amateur with a thirst for understanding; clearly you are too, or you wouldn't be here. It is important to note that we do not have all the answers at this current time. This is not to say we will not have the answers, and it certainly doesn't necessarily mean "God did it!". It could be, but we don't have proof for this yet.
For example, we don't fully understand what gravity is - but you don't hear people going "Well, duh! God personally holds us to the ground!", do you? (Unless you're a Pastafarian, obviously! But even so, the Pastafarians understand not to take things utterly seriously...)
The other side of the table of course is that, if we accept "God did it!" as our answer - well, we risk still dying of bad smells and curses! It is only by trying to find answers for ourselves that we actually find answers.
I'm also aware that some of the answers we find are highly technical - and I don't know about you, but I'm no physicist. So, I'm going to try to explain them as clearly as I am able. After all, Albert Einstein himself famously said "If you can't explain something simply, you don't know enough about it. You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother."
So, where do we start with such diffiult questions? Well, naturally, we'll start at the beginning!
*******************
The dawn of the first day...
Energy.
Batteries. In your phone, laptop, anything - a battery stores energy in a chemical format. You can then use the energy from that chemical format to emit photons (light beams), another energy format, from your computer screen. You can use it to make sound come from your speakers and some of that energy is turned into vibration by your fan...
Energy comes in lots of "flavours", each of which can be wildly different from the others.Sound is very different from light which is very different from heat. And they're just three examples, in this universe, in your "local" dimensions. They've recently proved that photons work in both wave AND particle form - imagine if water was water waves and then icecubes, all at the same time. Icecubes that flow. Kinda screwy, right?
Welcome to physics.
Someone, and I can't put my finger on whom at this moment, said something along the lines of "If it doesn't scare you a little, you're not understanding it properly." Our little bubble of universe has a big mix of flavours in it - but there could be even more that we haven't even begun to get our heads round.
Anyway, long story short, the upshot of this theory is that prior to, and around the universe, is a different flavour of energy - dimensions are just other versions of flavour, if you will.
The "bubble universe" theory starts out as a transmutation of energies - the Big Bang, some 13.7 billion years ago. Some people understand it as a fissure that spews out amazing amounts of energy - like the back end of a black hole from another dimension, if you could imagine such a thing... (Stephen Hawking does some interesting writing on the types of potential universes in "Universe in a Nutshell: http://www.hawking.org.uk/)
When that fissure originally opened, all kinds of crazy energy suddenly slammed through the hole, converting into the dimensions we're now familiar with (and the ones we ain't! Physics joke also.) and roaring out at amazing speeds. At this point, things are all kinds of crazy and all the fundamental forces are thought to be just one unified force.
Now, Mr Higgs came up with an idea for how these very first energies worked. http://www.ph.ed.ac.uk/higgs/ And just recently, CERN and the LHC found the particle Mr Higgs has been looking for, for so long.
The Higgs Boson.
I'm going to have to grossly oversimplify here. The Higgs Boson created a field, acting as the "fences" of a garden - all this energy was roaring in through the "gate", the fissure, into the garden. Like a garden party, only so many people fit in before they get squished up against the fences - the people behind have to slow down to get in, and then the fence will give way once everyone has jammed in, slowed down and is pushing against it.
I'm guessing you already know the law of states, but just in case, more energy = more excitement. Water is a great example of this: less energy, it becomes ice. More energy, it turns from solid to liquid. Hotter = turn to water, hotter = turn to gas, hotter = turn to plasma...
The fences allowed this quark-gluon plasma to slow down and cool off enough to turn into "liquid" universe, if you'll excuse a physics pun.
We end up with an amazing abundance of photons, and then a whackload of stuff that starts sticking together as it's all cramming through the "gap". The fences collapse and the matter has been expanding ever since, pushing the boundary of the universe ever outward. (You might also be interested to know that this is called the Planck epoch, zero to approximately 10-43 seconds from the event.)
We know this expansion is a fact because of a phenomenon called "microwave background radiation" (leftover heat from this early, extremely hot and dense universe) as well as "Red Shift phasing". That's also pretty tricky to explain in laymans terms - but I'll give it a go.
If you know what the "Doppler effect" is, then you can skip this point to the next set of asterisks - the Doppler effect doesn't just work on sound, it works on light, too. If you don't, please read on as normal.
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"Blue" light travels very VERY fast. The "bluer" it gets, the faster and tighter the waveform.
As it happens, sound does the same thing - when something comes towards you, the soundwave gets pushed forwards, compressed, so the pitch rises. The "Nnnnnnneeeeeee" as a racecar comes roaring towards you, it always goes up in sound.
Light does the same thing, technically - as it not only behaves like particles, it also behaves like a wave.
The tighter the compression, the "bluer" the light, all the way up into ultraviolet, xrays and stuff. The wider the frequency, and the light goes red - all the way to infrared (that's heat to you) and beyond... Or "Yooooowwwwwwwnnnng!" as the pitch of the engine note from the car now hurtling away from you goes - dropping in tone.
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The Red Shift properly applies to "the standard model" - the universe in "liquid" state, a few picoseconds after the beginning.
And after the beginning... came the early universe. Though it took over 400,000 years for everything to calm down enough for nuclei to capture electrons!
Once atoms started to form, the universe really started to evolve....
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