Sunday, 22 September 2013

What are you?

I rarely drink - I have never smoked or taken "recreational" drugs. I am not keen on others doing so to excess, but that is their choice and I will help them quit if they would like assistance.

I do not have a criminal record (and have the certificate to prove it) though I understand some folk have them through errors of judgement - and the majority have paid for it; more harshly than the every Joe realises.

I love my reptiles and my family and my friends - I work hard to care for them, and I do it FOR them. I have worked hard all my life, and been greatly fortunate and deeply grateful to those that have helped me along the way. I am distrustful of gifts, having an underlying sense of _owing_ the giver - but I appreciate the gesture and do my best to reciprocate. And often feel guilty when I can't match it.

I have only hit another human when they have attacked me first - my mother taught me to punch straight as a child. I have never abused or oppressed anyone deliberately, and I would do my best to rectify the situation if I have caused harm. I expect the same standards from others, and am often disappointed - though sometimes I am overwhelmed.

I regularly do charitable work as treasurer for an emotional crisis centre (a suicide hotline, in your words), I bring food and information for the homeless girl who spends her days under the bridge on the way to work, I do fundraising for other charities and rescue abandoned and abused animals when I can - I would like to help more in my home, but there's a limit to what my wee home can sensibly accommodate; I am a happy-to-help oft-labelled "guru" for many who do the same.

I believe any orientation of sexuality or gender should be treated equally, as you and I should be also. I also believe that there is too much stigma on mental health, and not enough outreach.

My heart aches when I see abused creatures - it is why I have ended up with six dragons. I am also getting tattoos for each one, to join Kyle's as my mark of honour (my first dragon, the instigator of my love and respect for her species, though she be over the Rainbow Bridge). I get annoyed when people fail their promises, especially commissions - if I am paid for my services, I ensure it gets done, one way or another.

I despise being late, though I am tolerant of others being late. I greet strangers like friends, and freaked out a bunch of Londoners by being nice to them (country bumpkin that I am!). I enjoy talking to intelligent, inquisitive folks of any age, and have stepped into the midst of situations to help others, regardless of personal risk - regularly, in fact.

Reading about another species going extinct breaks my heart - but I am lifted by great joy at the success of another by our hand. I cried writing this message. I often feel guilty for the little I have - how much I have, comparatively, and Weltschmerz often renders me helpless; as a result, I'm 27 and have life insurance, a will and mortgage cover. Because you never know.

I love life because it is the only one I have - because I know how fragile and fleeting it is, how easily and unfairly it can be extinguished, and yet I adore seeing my 99 year old customer every week. She enjoys every day, because she says she doesn't know if there's going to be a tomorrow. I don't have the luxury of a lifetime's preparation for free time, but I hope I get the same opportunity.

I would like to grow old. I am sad when I realise I will most likely outlive my love, but I hope to make the most of it in the meantime.
I hope I make a difference to others - not for myself, but for the ripples it generates when they then help others.

This is much of me. More can be discovered by asking, should you wish - though I'm just as fond of companionable silence too.

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