Tuesday 19 November 2013

ABCDEFG...

A - Amber's Alphabet

The idea is I'm trying to find 26 things that are important to me for my very own Alphabet.

A for Amber, obviously! I'm 27 (though don't always remember it. No really. Got banned out of a bar once, because I couldn't remember. I was with my MUM at the time...), tall and broad. Blue eyes, light brown hair, surprisingly tidy eyebrows, complete inability to do division or percentages and a love of learning odd talents. I'm currently working on wriggling my ears and writing left handed.

B - Books

I love to read.

I'm rarely found without some form of book about my person. Currently, I'm practically sat on one (Marian Keyes, "Watermelon"), and have about three on the go at most times: Stephen Hawking "Universe in a Nutshell", Jasper Fforde's "Shades of Grey" again - NOT the mummyporn - and Mobius Dick.

I like an eclectic mix of extreme realism, marvellously obtuse and fascinatingly scientific, as is probably obvious from my current reading list! (I have some three hundred Doctor Who books tucked away in the guest bedroom.) I'm a member of Bookcrossing, that is, when I'm not sending books straight to people.

Books are a practical entertainment form... and often contain:

C - Comics

Or, more accurately, graphics novels. And online comics. Yeah... I'm no purist. But I do know that Iron Man is way cooler than Batman. And "V for Vendetta" was a really rather good movie adaptation of the graphic novel. And yes, I do have both. And no, I don't care if you don't agree - that's YOUR problem, you weirdo. I bet you think "Firefly" is stupid too - and you'd be WRONG.

And YES! Yes there are Firefly graphic novels...

And yes, of course I have them. Who d'you think I am?!

Now, if anyone wants to buy me some Iron Man graphic novels, I'd be highly appreciative...

D - Dale. (And friends in general!)

My best mate. For goodness sake, don't actually tell him he's my best friend or I'll never hear the end of it, and he'd never get through doorways.

Just in case someone DOES tell him, or he actually reads my blog - I've chosen THIS picture just to try and make sure he doesn't get too bad a case of  "I'm AWESOME" disease. The wig is mine.

But seriously, cynical and self-aware-of-own-awesomeness though he may be, he's a pretty nice guy. And he can fall down an entire flight of stairs without spilling his Guinness. Most of my mates meet these minimum standards!

E - eBay

eBay is awesome. Between the reptile keeping, oddities collecting and junk shifting over the years, it has saved me a small fortune.

I've picked up some remarkable bargains over the years, including correctly betting a seller was a gambler (and thus securing myself a cool £100 off my brand new telly), grabbing two vivariums for half the price I could get anywhere else, and a diamond ring possibly worth nearly a grand and a half... for a fraction of the price.

I've sold a cracked glass and a broken plate for £30, an old vivarium for £50, a set of UV bulbs for as much as I bought them for and a thermostat for nearly twice as much as I paid for it.

I don't know anywhere else I can buy UV bulbs as cheaply, whether singly or in bulk. If you do know anywhere else, then please let me know. I love a good bargain!


F - Family.

Mum won't let cameras near her, so this is my stepdad, in "Warthog" mode. He's pretty darned awesome and I'm lucky that he accepts me as family too! He does have his own kids with Mum - I've not ever thought of them as anything other than my brother and sister. Well, occasionally as monumental pains in the backside, but point me out a sibling that doesn't and I'll show you a weirdo.

I have quite a large family, what with my mother and father both having remarried, and all the aunts and uncles and cousins that come with the situation. It also gets a little complicated - due to the fact that my mother's parents are cousins... which makes my mother my second cousin, and my siblings my cousins once removed. I think...

G - Games

Most Saturdays, we have games night. We play anything from Tetris Linkup to American Modified Rummy, Monopoly or Rummikub... to Whot!, Zombies! Risk! and other games with exclamation marks in.

It's a good excuse to get together, have a giggle, and make sure that the students among us get at least one proper meal a week, whether it be Dale's Insanity-Pizzas, my Mexitalican, a full roast dinner or tasty steak...

His Lordship is even developing another of his own games on a roleplayer format, inspired by Martin's requests that we should try Dungeons and Dragons - which probably was inspired by playing DooM.

We really ought to get on with that, actually. His Lordship hasn't been able to update the DooMblog in some time...

H - Home

Our house might only be little, but it's all ours and awesome. It's a cute little three bed end terrace that needed a touch of work, but was a bargain - with immense thanks to my wonderful grandparents for helping so much in securing and repairing our home.

Actually, it's more than a bargain - it's my best bargain of all time so far; having been listed up at £86k, I'm rather proud to say we brought it on down to £54,000 - just about what I could afford on a mortgage!

It has a teewee little patio'd garden with raised beds, just screaming to have herb beds planted in them, as well as our superawesome new blue, silver, cream and grey kitchen - not to mention the most beautiful miniature bathroom in shades of travertine marble with a perfect white P-shaped bath.

I - INTERNET!!!!

The source of many wonderful things.

It is where I met himself, it is where I met all kinds of fascinating people (like Rupert in the picture - he's helping our friend Ben take his turn at Risk, on gamesnight.), where I've picked up some fantastic bargains from my telly to my house, and an endless source of information for all the things I find fascinating.

I've rescued animals through it, talked to big names through it, helped charities through it, improved myself through it. I don't know how people manage without it - I would not like to have to be without my internet.

J - Justgiving.

Every year, I try to raise some funds for charity. Causes I've helped include the RSPCA's "Pet-a-pet" cause, worked for the National Children's Homes for three years at weekends, even gambled my hair (and lost) with the #hairsyourchance "Shave or Save" votes. I've also helped raise money for Children-in-Need, Marie Curie, Jeans4Genes, WearItPink... I've lost track actually!

I'm also on-call for other dragon rescuers and I'm the treasurer for the Samaritans. It's a lot more work than I had anticipated, but I'm sure it will be very satisfying when I get the hang of it. If I get the hang of it. It's only been nearly a year...


K - Key Lime Pie

The world is a better place with Key Lime Pie. Or cheesecake in general. Cheesecake is my version of Prozac, or Zoloft, or antidepressant of your choice. It doesn't actually fix problems, but it makes them much less stressful. Everything is so much nicer with a slice of cheesecake.

http://www.englishcheesecake.com/ - these guys do the best cheesecakes.  I mean, literally the best. I adore their "honeycomb", as pictured. NOM!

L - Lizards!

I have six Bearded Dragons and a Crested Gecko. The other animals are not lizards, and they're still awesome. However, the lizards and I come as a package. Love me, love my dragons.

Rich discovered this when he first met me. Thankfully he thought Kyle was awesome, and she thought he was great.

The rest have all turned up since then, one way or another, and they all have distinct individual personalities, likes and dislikes.

Lizards are just the most supercool creatures ever.

M - Movies

Who doesn't love a good movie? I like smart comedy, inventive sci-fi and peculiar "cult" films. Oh, and Raspberries.

Raspberries are films that are SO bad that they go all the way through bloody awful and somehow land at freakin' AWESOME. http://www.razzies.com/

Mega Python vs Gatoroid was pretty epic(ly terrible!) and I'm looking forwards to watching DinoShark. Frankenhooker was almost as bad as it sounds, and we have quite a list of terrible films to track down...

My favourites include Kung Fu Hustle, Serenity, Death Race (actually, most Jason Stathams. He ain't pretty, but he does a damn good movie) an the Iron Man movies. Or actually, most superhero movies.

N - Neopets

Whilst I'm not a big "gamer", I have been a proud Neopian for ... good grief, more than twelve years! I'm no big star or anything, but I am noodling along quietly, picking up the things I find most shiny along the way.

My account is interesting enough to have people try hack it occasionally! Heh...

O - Orange Chocolate

The world is a better place when chocolate orange alternatives for things are available. They are becoming ever more rare I notice, which strikes me as an awful shame.

My favourite thing used to be Thornton's Seville ice cream  - a delicious combination of slightly sour, zingy orange sorbet, coupled with the creamiest, smoothest chocolate icecream.

Marvellous stuff. I once bought an entire industrial tub. Took up half Nan's freezer and took me MONTHS to get through. Ice cream for breakfast?

P - Pastafarianism

My religion of choice. Pirates, Pasta, Peacefulness - how many more P's do you want?

If P's aren't good enough, how about a Beer Volcano (more accurately known as "Volcano of Many Beverages" - but you try saying that when drunk)?

I'm an ordained minister, and take it as seriously as it is possible to. After all, it does have some wonderful basic structures as described in the "I Really Rathers". Cracked did a pretty good summary, though they have missed out Bobby's plight. His letter and the origins of Pastafarianism are easily found HERE.

Q - Querying/questioning.

I love/live to question stuff.

Isn't it fun when you ask "what on EARTH is that?" and strive to find the answer? Aren't mysteries fascinating? What better in life than to educate yourself and to find everything around you, heck, in the WORLD fascinating?

I'm always going to be scientific. I like knowing how and why and what - and more importantly, I like learning how and why and what.

I find it incredibly satisfying, to take a puzzle and work it out.

Here's a photo I took for you to wonder about.
What is it, do you think?

R - Rich

One of the most patient people I know. Probably a good job too, being as he has to live with me.

My favourite person in the whole world, and he has been accepted as a member of the family ever since this event - "The Gimping".

To his immense credit, he giggled throughout and didn't ask for help, thus providing quite some entertainment as he struggled to get back out of the entire reel of sellotape from top to toes.

Yes indeed, His Lordship - a brilliant person, in the literal terms of the word as well as descriptive.

S - Science

Yeah, I'm a pretty big fan. I'm still working on memorising the table of elements, and I have some really funky sciencey-based things in my collection, from my neato USB microscope (hours of computer pictured miniature fun!) to my stormglass (not particularly handy for predicting the weather, but interesting) and the croc clamp magnifier (much to Rich's amusement. I think it's great!).

T - Treating people fairly

Because, if you think someone should do something, you should be prepared to do it yourself. Well, that's one of the ideals behind it, anyway. It's something I have to do every day at work, and try to do the same at home.

Treating people fairly is about looking at a situation, and trying to work out what you'd want, if you were in that position. In THIS particular case, I'd want a nice drink to wash away the flavour of the special toothpaste my mother was trying out.

It tasted like arse.

Yes, I tried it too.
I just thought the picture of Himself was funnier!


U - Universal Life Church

Actually, I started collecting suitable/compatible ministerial certifications a little while ago - and it's turned out to be thoroughly entertaining, and not a little educational.

So far I am registered as a Pastafarian Pastar, a ULC multidenominational minister, a Discordian Priestess, a Secular Humanist minister and a Reverend of the First Atheist Church.

I have considered Dudeism, though it doesn't quite fit me, and IPUists has long since maintained an understanding with Pastafarians - there are too many differences for us to reconcile, but we appreciate each other.

If anyone else has any other compatible ministries, let me know - I am certainly interested.

V - Virus

Virus is one of my original designs. I made the preliminary sketches at work, age 16, and it stuck with me ever since then. The original designs were dots, or lines, or angular - and then I blended the whole lot and got this rather tribal, Aztec-y, circuitry looking lizard design.

You'll notice he's on my logo, he's on my background, he's on my C.V., heck, he's even on ME as a tattoo.

He's pretty much my trademark. I have no idea how I knew I'd love lizards, years before I even thought of actually owning one.

Never look back!

W - Webcomics

Every Sunday morning, I treat myself to a catchup session of each of the different webcomics I follow. These are some of my regulars:

http://questionablecontent.net

twokinds.keenspot.com

http://www.blasternation.com/

www.grrlpowercomic.com/‎

X - X-rays

Well, medical science and scientific technology in general. Seeing stuff you can't normally see. Electron microscopes are my favourite things (other than super colliders) but sadly you can't have either of those in your home at this time.

Currently I'm making do with the awesome copies of my pets x-rays that my great vet lets me nab snaps of, data from NASA and CERN available on the interwebs (and through spectacularly techie friends, like nanoengineers!) and my lovely little Bresser USB connective microscope.

Actually, I recommend most Bresser stuff. It's cheap and cheerful, but surprisingly good for the price. I've just picked up a nifty USB solar charger from them for just £12.99

Y - Y-cam Knight

I have to say thanks to my friend Pete Graham, for kindly giving me his old IP webcam. It finally gave me the hefty kick I needed to start working on a dream I have had for a while - making my lovely lizards globally accessible.

I haven't released the details on this yet, as I haven't finished work on the website (yes, I have built a proper site, secured my own cool domain name and am cracking on with developing all sorts of little options) and I am waiting for my upgraded camera to arrive.

Pete's Y-cam proved my concept possible - the new camera will have a much lower bandwidth usage, higher quality image and hopefully I'll even be able to set it so that people can have a look at different dragons themselves, rather than waiting for me to adjust the view.

Watch this space - I'm working hard and I hope to have it all done in the next few days. Well, if the postal service hurries up!

Z - Zzzzzz.

I love my bed.

No, really, I LOVE my bed. We actually decided against going on holiday and spent the money on a supremely amazing bed instead - and I don't regret a minute of it. Two weeks abroad, or ten years better sleep? Hardly worth debating.

It is lushness in a squish of lush, deliciously smooth dark chocolate leather and a 100% memory foam mattress. And £210 off, which was nice. Always worth asking, you know!

His Lordship? "Mmmmmmm. Splootchy."

Monday 21 October 2013

Would you want to know when you were going to die?

This one often leaves me in a tangled quandry.
I don't know. It's one of the few things I don't know about myself that causes confusion.

On the one hand, I would like to know, so that I can do the things I want to do before it is too late - but on the other hand, I don't want to have a timer ticking down on me. I would find that awfully anxiety-inducing. I hate time trial games. (Though I do have a great fondness for hourglasses.)

I don't know when I'm going to die. Currently, I'm comfortable without having an "expiry date" - I am all too aware that I could die tomorrow, but I can't do much about that. I am also aware that I could easily live into my late eighties; the women in my family are the sturdy sort, on both sides. This also worries me, for things like pension funding. I can't do much about that other than have a pension plan.

5% of my salary has been put into my plan since I hit 25. I also have a will, mortgage insurance and life insurance - I'm 27. I have plans for the next two years, like getting married, but no major life requirements otherwise. If I died tomorrow, I'd be a bit pissed, sure, but not completely gutted. (Depending on method of expiry, of course - plenty of fish factories round here.)

I don't want for much. I've never needed much. I'm pretty happy with my lot so far.

And I appreciate that's more than many.

So, in the meantime, don't tell me.
I don't think I want to know.

Monday 14 October 2013

I'm sorry to say that we lost Spyyk today.

I had noticed a few days back that he didn't want his dinner, which is unusual, but then I came down sick.

It seems that so had he - I found him floating on his side in a right mess. I won't go into graphic details, but even his extraordinary powers of healing weren't going to be sufficient - his lower abdomen was intruded by a large mass; I've seen and treated axolotl prolapses and impactions before, and this wasn't either.

I've done the kindest thing for him and freezered him; axolotls are pretty unusual - they can happily cope down to 2C, then their metabolism slows down enough to send them into a form of suspended animation. He will be totally unaware and not feel a thing below this.

There wasn't much I could have done even if I'd picked up on it earlier. That's the trouble with axolotls - there's not a huge amount you can do when they're really ill, except for cool them down and hope their healing ability outpaces the slowed condition - and I could see immediately that this wouldn't be enough for Spyyk. The vets here wouldn't have been able to deal with him, and he was about nine years old already, not a bad age for an axolotl. (The usual life span is 8-12 years, though the record is 15!)

He was also more travelled than most axolotl - he went to Bath city and then to Somerset before coming back home to Grimsby. He was a happy 'lotl. Didn't ask for much. Mind you, they don't, normally. He mooched round a lot, sat staring into space a lot, floated round a bit, slept most of the time, and always charged over to see if I had food when the lid opened. 

Sunday 22 September 2013

What are you?

I rarely drink - I have never smoked or taken "recreational" drugs. I am not keen on others doing so to excess, but that is their choice and I will help them quit if they would like assistance.

I do not have a criminal record (and have the certificate to prove it) though I understand some folk have them through errors of judgement - and the majority have paid for it; more harshly than the every Joe realises.

I love my reptiles and my family and my friends - I work hard to care for them, and I do it FOR them. I have worked hard all my life, and been greatly fortunate and deeply grateful to those that have helped me along the way. I am distrustful of gifts, having an underlying sense of _owing_ the giver - but I appreciate the gesture and do my best to reciprocate. And often feel guilty when I can't match it.

I have only hit another human when they have attacked me first - my mother taught me to punch straight as a child. I have never abused or oppressed anyone deliberately, and I would do my best to rectify the situation if I have caused harm. I expect the same standards from others, and am often disappointed - though sometimes I am overwhelmed.

I regularly do charitable work as treasurer for an emotional crisis centre (a suicide hotline, in your words), I bring food and information for the homeless girl who spends her days under the bridge on the way to work, I do fundraising for other charities and rescue abandoned and abused animals when I can - I would like to help more in my home, but there's a limit to what my wee home can sensibly accommodate; I am a happy-to-help oft-labelled "guru" for many who do the same.

I believe any orientation of sexuality or gender should be treated equally, as you and I should be also. I also believe that there is too much stigma on mental health, and not enough outreach.

My heart aches when I see abused creatures - it is why I have ended up with six dragons. I am also getting tattoos for each one, to join Kyle's as my mark of honour (my first dragon, the instigator of my love and respect for her species, though she be over the Rainbow Bridge). I get annoyed when people fail their promises, especially commissions - if I am paid for my services, I ensure it gets done, one way or another.

I despise being late, though I am tolerant of others being late. I greet strangers like friends, and freaked out a bunch of Londoners by being nice to them (country bumpkin that I am!). I enjoy talking to intelligent, inquisitive folks of any age, and have stepped into the midst of situations to help others, regardless of personal risk - regularly, in fact.

Reading about another species going extinct breaks my heart - but I am lifted by great joy at the success of another by our hand. I cried writing this message. I often feel guilty for the little I have - how much I have, comparatively, and Weltschmerz often renders me helpless; as a result, I'm 27 and have life insurance, a will and mortgage cover. Because you never know.

I love life because it is the only one I have - because I know how fragile and fleeting it is, how easily and unfairly it can be extinguished, and yet I adore seeing my 99 year old customer every week. She enjoys every day, because she says she doesn't know if there's going to be a tomorrow. I don't have the luxury of a lifetime's preparation for free time, but I hope I get the same opportunity.

I would like to grow old. I am sad when I realise I will most likely outlive my love, but I hope to make the most of it in the meantime.
I hope I make a difference to others - not for myself, but for the ripples it generates when they then help others.

This is much of me. More can be discovered by asking, should you wish - though I'm just as fond of companionable silence too.

Monday 16 September 2013

This is a bit of my history:

I have not posted on my blog for a while - I have been distracted by social media "mini-blogging", and it has recently occurred to me that GooglePlus only retains posts for about nine months. I find my blog very useful for going back over and seeing how life was. I am back.

I started work at 13. My father told me that I should get a job and earn my own money - I earned £1 for cleaning several pairs of boots every week, including his dock coldstore boots.

I remember being irritated by this - and so I got a job in a charity shop, the National Children's Homes.

From there, I got straight into proper retail at 16 through a pisspoor paid apprenticeship programme. I was paid less than £1.70 an hour, full time - about $2.50, for you Americans. Three years gained me several NVQ certificates in retail, and a few in my spare time, word processing and the like at the free local college.

I then had to have reconstructive surgery on my foot - to this day, I still have the scar, the titanium, and the lump of the screw that gets blisters in new shoes... It was at this time that my grandparents let me move in with them; they did not approve of my stepmother's request that I continued paying rent - though I do understand that he was trying to teach me a valuable "life lesson" at the time, the idea that no-one else would do it for me if I couldn't work.

As soon as I was back up on my feet, I was fortunate enough to be accepted for a cashier and stocker position at the shop in the village, a couple of miles down the road. My previous retail experience and certifications helped, apparently, and my grandparents kindly picked me up after late shifts. Those were godawful, working the late shifts and then having to follow it up just a few hours later with the early shift - I don't work well with lack of sleep, and the wages weren't great either. But at least I wasn't the one that got electrocuted... (Though it taught me a valuable lesson in how management pass the buck - and to always put serious issues in writing.)

In the end, I was exhausted. I left and cleaned toilets for a while, for the same wages but... normal hours. I'm not sure which was worse. Though my grandmother calling from the car "Have a lovely day, my little scrubber!" on the way to her WI meeting really made my day. Especially when I explained how this could be misconstrued.

My knowledge of minerals and interest in gemmology landed me another low wage position in a "magical" shop, a job I was happy to do as the hours were better yet again and the work I genuinely loved; it made the naff wage worthwhile. Around the same time, I was headhunted for some hours at Thorntons - our local branch being one of the biggest in the region, and I mixed the part-time hours nicely with my gem-work.

Around this time I got onto a full time course at the local educational institute, a double OCN paper in business. The magic shop sadly closed, but by this time I was juggling more hours as assistant manager at Thorntons, my course, extra courses on computer work (I can audiotype, touch type and a whole bunch of other types.) as well as working as receptionist and archivist for a posh solicitors office.

I had turned 20 and discovered I had a a pretty badass work ethic - and I also discovered my limits. I found I was merely treading water at this point and my boyfriend at the time, of five years, was getting more difficult to manage too. (That's decidedly another story.)

I finished my course, wrapped up all the loose ends, and fled South. My odd skill set landed me a job with the MOD, but they only have temporary contracts - six months is the maximum, and the operation I was brought in to help develop wasn't going to complete. I can't tell you about this work, only that the chap that wrote the programme wrote a 500 page manual... and forgot to add a "how to use this" section. I know it was 500+ pages, because I accidentally fell asleep on it once, and dribbled on it somewhere to the back. I understand the programme was pulled for outsourcing, so at least no-one knows! Well, until now. (I told you, I don't work well if I don't sleep enough - and getting three am calls from your ex does not help sleep. It only took a couple of nights to learn to switch my phone off from 9pm.)

I then got VERY lucky - apparently my MOD clearance enough to get me straight in at the bank, though that was a farce in itself. No one knew who I was when I turned up to work - I may as well have just walked in off the street, hell, I practically did.

My contract had gone missing in the post, it seems - discovered two months down the line when I still hadn't been paid (I was used to working month in hand, after all). Luckily, they kept me on - well, as I pointed out, I already had the safe codes and central computer access by that point, so they probably ought to pay me!

I've been there seven years now, with a few months gap when someone screwed up my transfer back home. The wage isn't huge, but it's better than most in this area - I carried my city contract with me. I am not especially loyal. I will sell my time to the highest bidder - but only on terms that I know I can manage, and if I like the work. I have met my limitations, and I know what I will accept.

I went from having no grades to speak of to having a job I am sensible enough to understand and accept that I'll probably stick with it for life. It's not the most amazing job, but it's steady work. And that's better than most. I know which side my bread's buttered on. I've worked damn hard for it.

More importantly though, I know I've been very lucky to have been able to make the most of the few opportunities that I have been offered. The sad fact is that few people ever get breaks - or are willing to sell their lives for such low prices.

I'm not surprised so many people prefer the dole. It is very tempting, sometimes - accepting being poor in exchange for not having to give your soul and hours doing something you don't enjoy.

Mind you, I like affording things. Well, some things. A few things. Well, more than I could buy on the dole. Eh.

Saturday 29 June 2013

Sunday Stitches

Jam was happy to have breakfast (NatureZone beardie bites and butterworms), but grumped from the moment she got in the basket. We got to the vets, and she immediately cheered up again.

She's let me know that the stitches are a little bit sore this morning - but that's okay, that's what we are at the vets for; it is time for the next antibiotic and anti-inflammation shot.

Rob the Sunday vet is impressed, and she was good whilst she had her shots. She fibbed to me and told me it was her tail that hurt when we put her back in the basket. Made the nurse laugh, and call her a little liar - they didn't go anywhere near her tail. Jam grinned. Nurse says Jam's such a happy little lizard, it is always nice to see her. :D?

We will be back again on Wednesday, hopefully for the last shots, then she's back in just over five weeks to have the stitches removed. Yes, that's a lot longer than mammals (reptile skin heals slower than human skin - but it is much tougher); it's explained quite well in this really interesting article on reptile skin from a vets perspective: http://www.anapsid.org/basicdermatology.html

I may enquire about oral meds, just in case she does still hurt after Wednesday's meds wear off.

Monday:
Point of interest - my teenytiny rescued Mocha has laid two batches since the start of this article. I don't know why, but Mocha is an egg machine, despite her tiny size. She NEVER has any problems. Jam's much bigger than she is, and always had trouble. Go figure!

Wednesday 26 June 2013

Staples... (Well, clips, actually.)

Michael the vet was most amused when he heard about her tall-tails! (Get it, tall-tales? Fibs? Hehehehe.) It was almost as funny as Jacques' epic bedflop - pictured.

He confirmed that her injections had been via her forearms and definitely NOT her tail! She'd put up a bit of a fight this time - not that she'd stooped to biting, that'd be below her, but she grumped at him and wouldn't give him her hand. Understandably, as far as I'm concerned. She's had the last round of subcutaneous antibiotics, and didn't need any more anti-inflammatories.

She's continuing to do really well; she's put on a good 20 grams since surgery, all of her very own, as she no longer has eggs to fuel. She's also sitting properly despite the big row of stitches under her belly, and it's only the middle ones that are a little sore now.

It turns out that she has either 35 or 38 titanium clips inside her in total - there were a lot of vessels to close off. He also showed me the pics through surgery and has promised to email me them when he gets chance; they're really quite shocking!

She had bad abrasion sites and lesions from previous bindings (which we already knew) and had several failed follicles that had actually started rotting - she could well have succumbed to septicaemia had we not intervened. Other follicles were abnormal and both ovaries were in full production, which is quite unusual.

I'll be attaching pics once he's got round to sending them - he's confirmed that I have medical privacy consent over the images, and he's happy for them to be distributed online for educational purposes. "They're yours, so, you know!"

We're back in five weeks to have the stitches removed - I'll keep everyone updated of anything interesting in the meanwhile.

Monday 24 June 2013

Shots...

Jam was happy to have breakfast (NatureZone beardie bites and butterworms), but grumped from the moment she got in the basket. We got to the vets, and she immediately cheered up again.

She's let me know that the stitches are a little bit sore this morning - but that's okay, that's what we are at the vets for; it is time for the next antibiotic and anti-inflammation shot.

Rob the Sunday vet is impressed, and she was good whilst she had her shots. She fibbed to me and told me it was her tail that hurt when we put her back in the basket. Made the nurse laugh, and call her a little liar - they didn't go anywhere near her tail. Jam grinned. Nurse says Jam's such a happy little lizard, it is always nice to see her. :D?

We will be back again on Wednesday, hopefully for the last shots, then she's back in just over five weeks to have the stitches removed. Yes, that's a lot longer than mammals (reptile skin heals slower than human skin - but it is much tougher); it's explained quite well in this really interesting article on reptile skin from a vets perspective: http://www.anapsid.org/basicdermatology.html

I may enquire about oral meds, just in case she does still hurt after Wednesday's meds wear off.

Point of interest - my teenytiny rescued Mocha has laid two batches since the start of this article. I don't know why, but Mocha is an egg machine, despite her tiny size. She NEVER has any problems. Jam's much bigger than she is, and always had trouble. Go figure!

Sunday 23 June 2013

Shocking!

Gently fished Jam out from under her bed and parked her under the heat lamp. She hit about 31C and realised she was a little hungry. Omnomnomcrunchcrunchcruch.

I'll make sure she has a little more water today to offset the usage for protein. I sense she will be demanding many locusts over the next few days.

It appears she is unaware of her lack of reproductive ability, as she has been flirting outrageously with the boys gawping from their tanks. She has been having a good walk around and remembering not to run, even with free range dinner available. (Her appetite is still good, despite her first round of painkillers wearing off.)

Rich remembered some more information - she's actually had her entire uterus out, as there were many compressed, old and failed eggs throughout her system. That does explain the higher risk rate Michael the vet has been going on about! She's also a titanium reinforced dragon - he used titanium clips to tidy off blood vessels and such. Fascinating stuff!

Before surgery:539g
After: 440g
She lost a fifth of her body weight.

Saturday 22 June 2013

Stories...

Jam's got up by herself for a potter around. She's watching TV apparently.



And she has given her new gift a good licking. Yes, I got her a book. Recovery from surgery is long and boring if you don't have a good book to read. Well, if you don't have letters on paper to lick. (She likes licking words in my books - now she has one of her own to lick.)


It is a lovely compilation of stories by Katherine Mansfield, and is the absolute perfect size for her set of shelves. My newsagent found it in his backlog storage up in his attic; he was amused when I told him who I was buying it for and mentioned that he reckons he might well have other miniature books up there. He's going to have a look for me tomorrow and let me know.

Friday 21 June 2013

Stitches...

Vet says she's up and about, surprisingly cheerful, and to his astonishment has even had breakfast. I laughed. Of course she would have had breakfast - it takes more than opening her abdomen and removing large chunks from her insides to put her off her food.

Plus they've given her an anti-inflammation shot, which will take the worst off the pain. We have an appt on Sunday for another dose as well as another round of antibiotics.


11:00 GMT

Rich picked her up - she was still a little dozy and out of it, but happy nonetheless. It takes a lot to knock our Jam.

19:15 GMT
I've got home and am keeping a close eye on her - she's very tired, poor chickadee. Well, I'm not surprised, considering what she went through!

The vet is still being cautious - dragons with Jam's condition and such a large number of active follicles have a 50/50 chance of recovery. That's what he's said all along - but she's a tough little lizard. I have every confidence in her. She's got through the worst of it - she just needs to overcome the shock to her system and rest up. She's come through surgery and anesthetic, but she has a way to go yet he says. Rumour has it that Michael the Vet also took photos throughout the process - I'm hoping to snaffle some off him, as I'm sure they'll be fascinating.

The vet has told us it was absolutely the right thing for her. The egg binding problems and overproduction has a much higher death risk - it would simply be a matter of time.

She took herself back off to bed, having taken a butterworm as a quick snack; she didn't feel up to two, so has gone to sleep. She opened an eye and gave me a funny look when I put her log hut back in. I've coated it with black cotton so there's no sharp bits to snag her stitches on.

As I mentioned, she's due back on Sunday and Wednesday for booster meds, and a return trip in six weeks to remove the stitches.

20:00 GMT
Well, Jam was oblivious to the delivery unboxing (my lovely neighbour took 'em in, bless him. I owe him a cuppa) - unlike the rest of the dragons, whom promptly went insane having recognised the big white container I put the locusts in for storage.

However, I grabbed a good big one, and pointed it under her bed. Gave it a gentle nudge... suddenly there was a noise: shuffle ... shuffle shuffle ... CRUNCHCRUNCHCRUNCH!

Three more juicy fat locusts rapidly went in the same direction in the gloom under the maple posted bed.

I'd say that was a good sign!

Thursday 20 June 2013

Surgery...

She was taking her time waking up from the anaesthetic, but she's breathing on her own and has come through the surgery as well as expected. Michael (my vet) was a little concerned at her slow rousing, until I pointed out that she does like to sleep - it usually takes her an hour in the morning to realise the light is on and get up. (Random picture of her sleeping.)

He said that the level of follicles that were active was certainly abnormal - most of her abdomen was filled with developing infertile eggs, as both ovaries were in full production. He was a little worried about her prognosis due to this (it often complicates surgery and makes the recovery harder due to physical shock) - however I pointed out that this is also pretty normal for her, and she makes a rapid recovery after laying once the antibiotics kick in. She's also quick to eat once any infection is dealt with too.

He was actually a bit shocked by the sheer number of eggs. I took no joy in saying "I told you so". Well, maybe a little.

He also said that prior to surgery, she'd put on 100 grams since she was last in for her emergency treatment, however he's going to weigh her later to see how much of it was eggs.

As far as I'm concerned, weighing her was never a good guide for her health for exactly this reason. She recovered most of her headfat and bulked up her tail, so I'm happy she's in reasonable physical condition. As expected, she's staying in overnight for observation - I'll be calling in the morning to see how she's doing. It's most likely she'll be coming home tomorrow afternoon.

Jam had insanely active ovaries. Vet Michael says surgery was absolutely the right option, especially as she has had binding previously and repeated infections after laying.

Friday 24 May 2013

Say you're just yolking...

Well, the darling little pain in the backside HAS gone and converted all the tasty good stuff right into a new batch of eggs. I had been suspecting it for a few days as her belly got bigger but none of the rest of her did. I'm also a bit annoyed, because that's £20 of butterworms that are now yolk. (That's $30 to you guys in the US.) I can't be too cross I guess, it was only really a matter of time. (I also found this cute little clock that fits perfectly on her shelves!)

She quit eating a couple of days ago to focus on the last bit of eggerating - luckily, I had predicted this and have been supplementing her feeds with extra calcium, and I'm using Oxbow Carnivorous critical care mix to get some calories and nutrients into her via the power of lick.

I keep offering her the dig box, but she's not interested yet. Luckily again, she's a very blatant and quite predictable dragon - she'll go diggy mad for about two days before actually getting on with the job and laying the clutch. She hasn't got that far yet.

Vet isn't best pleased either, but has advised that she should be okay to lay these, and stop for the rest of the season after this clutch, being as it's her second. And was then surprised when I pointed out that, actually, no - this is her THIRD clutch of the season.

She's still booked for surgery on the 20th of June, but we may have to adjust this if she goes into yet another round of egg building after she lays these. We might need ANOTHER course of antibiotics too, as she _always_ gets an infection after laying eggs - though, as she's still on her current course, it will be interesting to see if she actually does develop one this time.

All I know is that she REALLY hates the taste of Baytril. She puts up one heck of a fight and pulls the most disgusted "BLARGH YUCKYUCK! Why would you DO that?!" faces afterwards.

Monday 20 May 2013

Sensible vet agrees...

My vet, Michael at Abbey Vets in Grimsby (UK) has advised to keep an eye on her when her order of Baytril runs out - just in case any follicles or fragments remain after her oxytocin treatment.

He has advised me that I have two options: I can either send Jam away to an exotic specialist in another area, or, alternatively he can have a go at it, locally, though he hasn't got much experience in the area. He's sat in on a beardie spaying procedure before, but hasn't had the opportunity to run the surgery himself.

It's a relatively straightforward procedure, surgically speaking.

I asked him a few careful questions - and he is well aware of the possible complications, the statistics, the recovery procedures, the specialist requirement of a breather for beardies under anaesthetics (they do fairly well, however the anaesthesia chemicals stops them breathing for themselves) - so, as he seems excited at the opportunity to further his experience with exotics, I have offered him the job.

I'll keep you updated. I'm just trying to get weight back on Jammy, both lost from her ordeal and to bolster her for her coming ordeal. It's given her a lot to think about...

Friday 17 May 2013

Oxytocin

Jam's grand now - as ever, she responded quickly to the first dose of Oxytocin and expelled what we believe was all the remains of the ruined eggs. Just a few hours after treatment, she was eating of her own accord and generally being her usual sunshiny self, handing out free licks and happy faces. We've got antibiotics and supplements as usual, and will be monitoring her closely over the next few days just to be sure the problem is done with.

My vet and I have also agreed to have her spayed in a couple of months to prevent future episodes, as she is such a recurrent problem layer. I would advise that any surgery is a big deal for a small animal, and should only be used as a last resort or life improver for the dragon, not you.

I have found this vet on youtube to be highly informative about bearded dragon surgeries - WARNING, GRAPHIC VIDEOS: Reptile Doctor's Videos

Particularly as he's filmed himself spaying a dragon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V4NYpeFivw

I will keep posting on her recovery and I will also post on her surgery when the time comes. It tickles me that Jam's licks are louder than her footsteps, as she wanders around...

Thursday 16 May 2013

Suspicion confirmed...

NOTE: If you suspect your female is egg bound - DON'T wait. Get her to the vet. An xray might be expensive, but a dead beardie is worse! 

My big female, Jam, is terrible at laying eggs. I don't breed with her (or any of them, actually) but she regularly lays infertile clutches and makes a bad job of it. Every time, she winds up with an infection, so I'm pretty used to her not being well afterwards. Our vet is pretty used to her too!!

This time however, she continued looking very unhappy on the second day. When I got home that evening, I gently felt her belly, and found a lumpy mass on the left hand side. Shortly after, she passed a bunch of mushed up shells with a large poop (as mentioned in the last post) - though I could still feel a solid chunk in the same area of her belly.

So we took her into the vets this afternoon. Bless her, she's been a real treasure - she didn't like the new vet man (his prodding hurt! Not deliberately, obviously, but it's very sore.) and ran to me for help. I don't know why she trusts me - I'm always mean, prodding her and feeding her medicines, but she settled down in my hands and let him have a good poke.

He agreed - he could feel something too - and the xray confirms there's something in there.

She's on her back in this picture (much to her extreme disgust!) - the black patches are gas bubbles, big one on top right when you look at the pic, and top mid left also, which are pretty normal for her when she is diagnosed with an infection. These will clear up with the antibiotics.

Underneath the biggest gas bubble, in the lower quarter of the flank, there's a white smudge with a dark patch in it - actually, two mushed together, if you look closely. We're pretty sure those are the failed eggs.

She's still in the vets as I type - she'll be having a dose of oxytocin to force her uterus to contract - this should force the remaining ruined eggs out. If two doses doesn't work, it will be likely that the shells have bonded to the flesh inside. If this is the case, she'll be going in for surgery to remove the ovaries and uterus entirely.

This will effectively "spay" her, and will prevent any future problems with eggs - she won't be able to have any more eggs! Frankly, this is no great loss to me. As mentioned, I'm not intending to breed, and she has such a hard time with it - and so frequently! I'd not send her in for surgery if it wasn't necessary, but I certainly won't be sad if she has to. It will save her a lot of trouble in the future.

I'll keep you updated as to how she's doing along the way. She should be in the middle of her first round of oxytocin treatment now...

Tuesday 14 May 2013

In a pickle. Well - in a Jam.

Okay, I apologise I have been a bit quiet the last couple of days; Jam went back into egg mode again, and Jam in egg mode is always quite stressful, let alone two batches so close together.



The poor girl currently looks a train wreck, but she did drop another batch today. She's currently got bad head hollows, sunken eyes, tight little mouth, skinny tail and thighs. I'm a little worried because she is keeping her belly very bloated. I'm keeping her fluid intake up via syringe lick and bath and regularly providing Oxbow critical care herbivore mix with a little VetArk protein mix occasionally.

I'm also concerned at the feel of her bloaty belly - I'm not sure if she has a large poop working up (firmness probably due to a good dose of compost - she's a terrible licker) or if she's having another binding problem as, apparently, her belly is a bit sore. She's pooping regularly and sharted out a pile of egg shells this morning. She's not impressed at having to have lots of syringe dinners, but doesn't feel up to eating for herself.

As suspected, Jam appears to have a couple of failed eggs stuck in her system, and an infection, again.

Luckily, I know she responds well to antibiotics, however the bits of egg are going to pose a more interesting problem - they're going to give her meds to force artificial labour conditions and hope that does the trick. If it doesn't, and the eggs have bound against the uterus as I suspect, they will perform surgery.

If they do the surgery, they have agreed to remove both egg sacs - which will effectively spay her and mean she has no egg problems again. The health risk of surgery is fair when the health risk of future eggs is high - and proven consistent. I feel it would be worth it for her.

Mocha, now, she chugs out eggs like a machine. She isn't bothered in the least, despite her diminutive size and small appetite. Poor Jam has an awful time of it, every time. Even the lizard with penises didn't cause so much hassle laying eggs!

Tsam, Mocha and Sandy nommed the discarded infertile eggs - and Sandy discovered she LOVES yolk. Eggs pop when you get them in your back teeth, and any that is spilled is thoroughly entertaining to lick up.

Sunday 5 May 2013

Dragonball J

Aha! At last, Tsam is vanquished! The mighty orb of invulnerability attacks! I have never seen a lizard take to the dragon ball as quickly as Jac has.

Jacques is great to watch when he's in there, rumbling round in there like a gladiator in a ball cage - he's totally at home in there. White belly, white beard, no stress marks, ballsy attitude - gave Tsam some serious thinking time. Tsammy didn't know what to do about his least favourite, smallest rival suddenly developing the power to mow him down like a steamroller. He ran right up the other end of the room with little Jac chasing him, and cowered!

He's also figured out that it grants him the power of invincibility. And you can smush an enemy twice your size.

Sandy has worked out that giving the ball a firm rap will annoy Jac - and Jac can't do anything about it. So he did what any angry dragon does when disgusted at another dragon. He pooped at Sandy.

Unfortunately, this backfires somewhat, when you are in a globe.

He was glad to be let out.

Wednesday 1 May 2013

Splish Splash Dragon Bath


They are being remarkably well behaved - only Hyphen has had a few warning splashes and, let's face it, he never remembers that he is supposed to behave at bath time.

Mocha had a huge drink and then went round testing if the water tasted different near each dragon.

Nice and clean and rehydrated. Once Tsam is done in his bath, we will give the tanks a quick go-over too.

When I opened the basket for carrying lizards in bulk, somehow Hyphen had managed to get himself pinned down by Mocha, Sandy and Jam. I don't know how or why, but he looked pretty happy about it.

Well, the one eye that was the only body part not under a dragon looked pretty happy about it. Bless him. He doesn't know his own name, but he's a lovely little brick for brains.

Also, in other news, despite not having actually done it in this house, Tsam has remembered how to do stairs in general on his own.

He has walked all the way from our bedroom, across the landing, down the stairs, through the hall and into the living room... and up the slope into his own house.

He is a very smart dragon.

This is why I trust him to be out on his own - he can manage.

When you find a mess like this, you know there's only one possible living being in the world that could be responsible... Yeah.

That mess would be Mocha finding the calcium.

I don't know what it is about Mocha and calcium - but she can't resist it. She gets plenty, and multivitamins... But if she spots the tub, she goes after it.

Lesson learned: don't leave the tub on the ledge. She can get into it.

Friday 26 April 2013

I have officially found my favourite Chinese restaurant.

This place is fab - and they don't hold back. Low cost, big portions, plenty of chilies and flavour... they don't even skimp on the more expensive bits. My kung po is amazingly mouthwarm and packed with chunky, tender bamboo shoots and huge, crisp disks of water chestnut...

The crispy chili chicken is very crunchy and warm, the chow mein noodles were firm and the mushrooms in great quarter lumps...

And I don't know where to start on the duck rolls. The pancakes were crisp, the meat tender and flavoursome, the hoi sin delightful and the Thai dipping sauce - fabulous. I couldn't tell if the rolls were temperature hot or spice hot! :D

Happyhappyhappyburrrp.

Monday 22 April 2013

One of the world's finest, most successful and most respected pirates... was a woman.

Cheng Shih was purchased from a "flower boat" (a brothel), tied up and hauled onto ship. The captain released her to get a better look - and she laid into him like a wildcat. Apparently, he thought that this feisty woman was pretty epic, fell in love and they got married!

She demanded her own fleet, and to keep her own captured treasure - and soon became his greatest rival on the seas, landing more booty than he! Sadly, he was killed in a storm - and lo, the fleets came in to port and bickered over who would be the new pirate lord.

Cheng walked in, threatened off all the competition and took control. In less than three years under her Red Flag, she took the fleets to over 1000 ships strong, and became the most formidable force on the oceans - outmanning most other countries entire navies.

She also shrewdly diversified from just pillage to protection, blackmail, spying and extortion; even developing good working relationships with farmers to provide her men with good food.

At the end of her reign, she was even offered a universal pirate amnesty in exchange for peace. Of the 80,000 men in her fleet, less than 400 were punished. They ALL got to keep their booty, and most of them were given good military jobs!

Cheng went on to open a gambling house with her husband, and passed away as a 69 year old grandmother. A truly remarkable pirate.