Saturday 23 August 2008

Lessons Learned.

Well, at least this week I learned some stuff. I can fall off a motorbike, pick it up out of the road, ignore a bunch of nettlestings, take apart broken bits, fix the vital bits, get back on and continue onto the big roads home...

I learned if you let a bunch of adult males go away for a long weekend, they consume vast amounts of alcohol and pretend not to have hangovers. Apparently this stack is about half of it, plus the remains in the recycling box.

I also learned I'm due to be shipped round a few more branches with work, and then put into one permanently less than 30 minutes walk from here. I'm very annoyed about this - if they'd told me two weeks earlier, I wouldn't be paying £2k for a motorbike.

I discovered it doesn't matter how old you are, you can still be completely potty. I aspire to be both like my mother and the dotty 60ish lady with bright pink hair I met at the cinema. You'll be pleased to know my neuroses are coming along nicely, involving obsession with my workspace and a convoluted system with my savings accounts. Hurray!

The Dorset Naga is grown just 25 miles from me! It causes involuntary hiccups, and registers about over 1 million Scovilles... The first chili to hit such high heats! Check out this brave YouTuber - my mum was greatly impressed. (She appreciates a good chili!)



Related Quote of the Day: "yeah, that was a really nice subtelty of flavours" - American Uruz re: a vindaloo in the UK.

Friday 22 August 2008

A Whole Bunch Of Fail...

Thinking to save a few pennies while we went on holiday my stepfather turned off the computer in the back, the tv, the speakers, the wireless router ... and the freezer. The family came home and wondered what the smell was, until my brother went to put his icepops in the freezer and suddenly the smell got much, much worse. Salmon, steak, whole trout, whole chicken, a lamb joint, quiches, pizza, mince beef - all mushy in their bags with about 2 inches of "soup" in the bottom. "Today he put my horseshoe up on the kitchen wall, hammered in two nails, then realised that the nail heads were bigger than the holes in the shoe."

Mum says the freezer was much funnier than my favourite: when he left the milk in the fridge while they went on holiday. For some reason he decided to open it and smell it - even though the bottle was bloated and the contents green (and blue and chunky) - and it went *pisssht*

I personally had a fantastic fail on the way to work the other day: I managed to miss my turn, continue down the wrong road thinking "I'm sure this isn't right, but I won't worry yet because I always think that..." and then discover myself stuck on a motorway heading towards Bristol - completely the wrong direction entirely from work. My sense of direction isn't exactly non-existant, it's just flawed to the point of oppositery. Mind you, my grandparents went onto a minor road, and discovered it was a little more minor than they had anticipated. It turned out to be a grassy unclassified roadway in the middle of Norfolk...

"Oh, yesterday he got out his brand new hedge trimmer....and promptly cut through the wire." My stepfather has done it several times apparently and still hasn't learnt.

His Lordship just said "I'm going to buy you a laptray for your computer..." and then paused to think. "Ah. When I find a way to get some money to buy one..." *fail* Bless, it's the thought that counts. And my Big Dragon has just run into the doorframe. Smooth move Big Girl...

On TV, a copper finds a bag on the kerb like the ones he just found in a drug car, opened it to sieze the drugs - got a handful of dogpoo instead.

The Ultimate Fail: Coming home from work, slowing down for a steep corner down the hill, I had the great misfortune to hit a stray hubcap in the middle of the road. I didn't even see it in time, grey against grey - so by the time I tried to a) get out of the way and b) emergency brake - it was far too late. Fortunately, due to said corner and hill, I was already going quite slowly (as am still scared of corners - my bicycle for pedalling has a tendency to whip the rear tyre round on corners - I daren't try something like that on a big motory thing...), but the quick skip over the loose metal/plastic(?) discarded in the street caused my bike to hit the kerb and me to hit the embankment. I am royally cheesed (and muddy). Whilst I managed to come off safely and scoop my bike out of the road before any traffic came down, I have knocked the end off my "handbrake" on the right (fortunately not the one you normally use) and have damaged the left front floorplate (this is actually a strip of siding, not the actual floorplate. That's fine). My skills were sufficient to remove said plate safely and repair my knocked loose mirror bolts, secure my frontplate, but unfortunately not my horn-switch which has disappeared inside my dashboard. So it's all mostly superficial damage, but still immensely infuriating, as I've only had the bike a couple of weeks. The good news: My bike is under warranty, so should be able to get repairs quickly and easily. The wheelfender and gravelrash will be easy enough to spray over. The Branson Blokes have booked me in and offered to fix the panel on for me too. The new parts are less than £30 total, which is even better news!

Image thanks to pixdaus.com.

Fail Quote of the Day: "I went looking for a set of drawers and came home with a piano." - Mad S.

Monday 18 August 2008

Lucky and Lookies.

Don't ask how His Lordship did it, but we were sat in boredom waiting for the cinema timeslot to come around, and I was spinning coins for Heads or Tails. It must have been 80% of the time He got it right - so I gave Him the ultimate challenge. I gave Him the pound and sent Him to the fruit machine. Knock me sideways with a great big inflatable shiny blue squeaky lobster... Jammy toad came back with a good profit!

Movies: Return of the Mummy - Dragon King: My veiw is that whilst the story line was a bit mediocre, a bit average, it was pleasant to watch. The CGI was very good quality, fluid and exciting. My personal favourite line: "Die you mummy bas*ards! - Hey, there's no call for bad language!" His Lordship says similar, whilst it was very good fun to watch, he's a little concerned that the quality of CGI is actually becoming quite standard nowadays too. His favourite line: "Spank my ar*e, spank it!" You'll need to see it to undestand.

The Princess Bride: Spectacular - a true comedy classic, star-studded and humorous. Peter Faulk (A.K.A - Columbo) plays a cheesy grandad figure - but I didn't even work out Billy Crystal! If you do something good this week, try to find a copy of this; it's well worth it! "It's a good fun film - a while since I last saw it, but definitely re-watchable." Suitable for younger ones, but do be aware of one or two at most usages of "bi*ch". Interestingly, this week in Big Brother, Mo is wearing a mask very similar to "The Man in Black"...

Image courtesy of: Peter van Nugteren - http://photo.net/photodb/user?user_id=573922

Movie Quote of the Day: "Spaniard: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you. Hero: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."

Thursday 14 August 2008

A Whole Bunch of Weird...

I spent the drive yesterday morning chasing a cheeky rainbow. Really! It sort of lowered one side, like a dancer flashing a leg through the curtains, slap bang in front of me on the motorway. It was fascinating - I followed it all the way to my workplace, until I promptly got rained on... Then today, I chased a rainbow all the way back home again! It absolutely tipped it down and I was soaked through... The raspberries are tasty for the rain though.

A huge bunch of weird: Orangina's new advert!





Bonus! Free Alfalfa! My mother can't abide the stuff, so she's sending her packet of seeds to me for the dragons. Apparently they love alfalfa - I wouldn't know as I've not had it before, but I'll try them with it once they've trashed their current salad.

We've also given Eden Snekeh a new toy - His Lordship has fixed a large cherrywood branch across her tank. She's been loving it, even if she did spook the dragons out a bit by peeping into their tanks.

However, these are the weirdest things I've SEEN so far today, maybe even this YEAR. You won't guess what useful function these funky funktional items have... These are TikiTentacles, by Hendrik at Vantiki.com: (http://www.vantiki.com/VanTiki/Tentacles.html) ... and they're CUPS! Yes, really - like hornflasks! How COOL. Vantiki works are all one-offs, and available on the website. Thanks to http://www.thesneeze.com/ for linkage.

Weird Quote of the Day: "Malwen just sulked, but the other got very friendly, he was even drinking from the tap when I washed him" - My friend DJS has been getting her snails drunk.

Sunday 10 August 2008

Swings and Slides (I do believe the expression goes...)

Things are beginning to, well, I won't say sort themselves out, but rather, shuffle about a bit more. It's a bit Yin and Yang, some comes good, some not so. I've got my deposit cheques in the bank, which is nice. I've discovered I don't owe rent for another couple of months yet, which is better. We've discovered that not only are the council taking £400 in "overpaid benefits", but the JobCentre are no longer paying His Lordship a penny. An irony with the council, as they haven't even GIVEN us any benefits. Bummer about the JC though, means I'll have to pay for everything 'til He's sorted. It's not for want of trying mind, there's just very little work in the area at the moment. Note: Tesco have just laid off most of their Uni students as they can't afford to keep them on. Leaves Him with either McDonalds (*shudders*) or the out-of-town Cheese Factory (*raises a dubious eyebrow*). No matter, He's got the right attitude: "A job's a job." I am proud of Him for it. I like eggs. Sorry, I don't know the source for the pic, but mail me and I'll quote. (indigo _ blue _ fish @ hotmail . co . uk)

Big Dragon has introduced Little Dragon to "Dragon Candy" - waxworms. They've both discovered mealworms for the first time and have found them to be acceptable. At the moment, Tsam is happily being entertained by His Lordship, who is playing a war game on his laptop. The flashes, bangs, rattles and scuttly things keep both of them greatly entertained, as does a good sip/lick of coffee. I tell you, Tsam and He match well, just as Ky and I do. (Being as we like a good book - she likes to try to "eat" the words - and a cup of cocoa.) Mind you, all tame lizards like laptops, they're toasty and have interesting things going on. (See comment on word-eating and flashes.)

My bike is awesome fun to zip about on, goes 55mph when needed and easy to maintain 30. I've just gone over the 100 miles mark, and fell about laughing when I went to fill it up the first time. I have to say, I was in hysterics the second time too - I filled over half the tank and paid... £3.25. So, that's less than £7 for 107 miles... I'm happy with that.

Hehe, my computer had one of it's famous glitches. I typed an S, I got a £. I£ typed an *, I got a £. I typed a :, I got a £... Oh well!

Related Quote of the Day: "I hope that, if the ends don't meet, you're at least making them wave at one-another?" - One of my uncles.

Saturday 9 August 2008

Beardies and BIKE! Bravo!

A Tale Etched In Blood And Hard Black Pencil by Christopher Brookmyre is turning out to be a bizarre read, set clearly in Scotland even though it's been reviewed by the Irish Times. It's got startling leaps between schoolday to newday, and I'm enjoying it so far. Good In Bed was also very good, harsh realism and funny highs, the usual formula of "everything goes wrong for paranoid girl all at once, until lovely bloke she didn't realise she liked earlier in the story rescues her" but with a better edge to it. I would give that some serious thumbs up.

Tsam Dragon did a marvellous job of scaring off a large and vicious predator today. Well. He was trying to scrabble through the glass of an interesting looking tank in our house, then panicked at the sight of Eden the four foot californian kingsnake slithering out to see what the noise was and went into defensive mode. It still looked impressive, floofing out his chunky beard, locking his eyes to the killer snake (behind the glass), lowering his head and hissing right from his core, low and raspy. Kyle just looked and went back to bed. I made it up to him with tasty snacks and a snuggle in a warm spare shirt - he likes watching war movies too. (Kyle prefers David Attenborough for the colours and the bugs)

The Dark Knight wasn't too bad. Again, I wouldn't grumble too much about the price of the tickets, but I will protest at the over-done growly voices, you know, the "vocal disguises"... The Joker was rather good, I liked the usage of cotton wool to deform his features, and the side effect of constant lip-licking worked quite well. "Other than being another remake of the Batman movie, it was a rather nice remake, with some nice original peices. However it could have done with being two movies, rather than all thrown into one overly long movie." On the other hand, You Don't Mess With The Zohan was pure hilarity. It was surprisingly chick-flickish, but with lots of macho army/bad taste comedy thrown in. A nice story of warring nations joining sides against the USA. Hurrah!

Tesco have given us more cheapies, picking up salad onions for just pennies, superyummy cookies for half price and then some, cheese topped buns for 40p, but nowhere near as good a bargains as offered by Bransons Motorcycles! What can I say, I flew my CBT in just an hour and a half (really, really good) and am now the proud owner of a little black Honda Lead 110. Huge thanks to Nan for lending me the funds, Mr Branson gave us discounts left, right and centre. I bought my helmet and suit with £20 off, my gloves 10% off, my chain and L's thrown into the price of the bike, and Mr Branson gave Nan money off that too! I owe you bigtime, and major major thanks! (Image thanks to WikiCommons)

Quote of the Day: "Oh my god, this garden! It's like, you go out, and you've got a tasty snack!" - REJ

Sunday 3 August 2008

Spam, Scraps, Starships and Strip Club (Carl Hiaasen's Book...)

Hehe, I love ironic junkmail. When I was doing the post at work this morning, I got a promotional flyer selling insurance from More Than, addressed to The Business. Most of you are aware I work in a bank, and I just couldn't help myself. I kindly paperclipped their information back together, popped it in their pre-paid envelope and added some of our own usual junkmail along with a little note: "Thank you kindly for your information, however we are a branch of a multinational banking corporation and as such deal with our own insurance. You could try our head office, but in the meantime I've sent you some of our promotional literature in the hopes that you should be similarily interested."

The dragons have become far more communicative between themselves, the fights becoming more spectacular as Tsam is rocketing up in size and has discovered he is male. He's just asserting his dominance, Kuleana is happy to accept, but he's not happy with simple acceptance and waves. There's been tail twitching taunts, Quagmiring (mad head bobbing), big black bearding, paddy-stamps, you name it. Physical clashes are fairly limited to Tsammy charging up and baffing Ky in the side with his chin or nose, but there have been some dramatic clashes when Ky's got fed up of it and lashed out. This leads to tail biting by both parties (in the fleshier, spinier sections, no damage) and body twisting, flattening to look bigger.

The Wall-e movie was suitably up to Pixar standards, funny when it should be, sad when it should be et al. Certainly not a waste of time, and I'm not going to complain about the price of the tickets! Starship Troopers, the original movie, was decidedly funny for a sci-fi comedy/horror, but the cartoon version is a serious let-down, it's like watching a game - no real sense of risk or danger that you get with the true movie.

I've been chewing through books at a horrific rate again, I thoroughly enjoyed Anchee Min's elegant but occasionally harsh veiw on ancient Chinese Emporism in "Empress Orchid". The richness and splendor is sharply contrasted with the squalor and famine of the time. I've read three books by Carl Hiaasen, all of which have been surrealistically funny and hard to put down - I read two in one weekend! The creation of characters is wonderful to observe, particularly the development of Garcia - it's only when you tuck into the third you actually realise he's THE supporting figure through the series. I read the Helen Fielding ones mostly out of boredom, but wasn't too displeased, they're about the same as the movies after all. I was extremely ... discomfited by "Bergdorf Blondes", so much so I gave it away as soon as I'd finished with it. It was nasty and materialistic - a blonde ditz who thought suicide was a good idea for stupid, trivial things, and left stupid, trivial things in her stupid trivial will. She didn't die, she got rescued by the man she hates that turns out to be the love of her life as well as very very rich. YAWN.

Related Quote of the Day: "8oxc 3" - Kuleana, trotting across my keyboard. She IS big...