A Whole Bunch Of Fail...

Thinking to save a few pennies while we went on holiday my stepfather turned off the computer in the back, the tv, the speakers, the wireless router ... and the freezer. The family came home and wondered what the smell was, until my brother went to put his icepops in the freezer and suddenly the smell got much, much worse. Salmon, steak, whole trout, whole chicken, a lamb joint, quiches, pizza, mince beef - all mushy in their bags with about 2 inches of "soup" in the bottom. "Today he put my horseshoe up on the kitchen wall, hammered in two nails, then realised that the nail heads were bigger than the holes in the shoe."

Mum says the freezer was much funnier than my favourite: when he left the milk in the fridge while they went on holiday. For some reason he decided to open it and smell it - even though the bottle was bloated and the contents green (and blue and chunky) - and it went *pisssht*

I personally had a fantastic fail on the way to work the other day: I managed to miss my turn, continue down the wrong road thinking "I'm sure this isn't right, but I won't worry yet because I always think that..." and then discover myself stuck on a motorway heading towards Bristol - completely the wrong direction entirely from work. My sense of direction isn't exactly non-existant, it's just flawed to the point of oppositery. Mind you, my grandparents went onto a minor road, and discovered it was a little more minor than they had anticipated. It turned out to be a grassy unclassified roadway in the middle of Norfolk...

"Oh, yesterday he got out his brand new hedge trimmer....and promptly cut through the wire." My stepfather has done it several times apparently and still hasn't learnt.

His Lordship just said "I'm going to buy you a laptray for your computer..." and then paused to think. "Ah. When I find a way to get some money to buy one..." *fail* Bless, it's the thought that counts. And my Big Dragon has just run into the doorframe. Smooth move Big Girl...

On TV, a copper finds a bag on the kerb like the ones he just found in a drug car, opened it to sieze the drugs - got a handful of dogpoo instead.

The Ultimate Fail: Coming home from work, slowing down for a steep corner down the hill, I had the great misfortune to hit a stray hubcap in the middle of the road. I didn't even see it in time, grey against grey - so by the time I tried to a) get out of the way and b) emergency brake - it was far too late. Fortunately, due to said corner and hill, I was already going quite slowly (as am still scared of corners - my bicycle for pedalling has a tendency to whip the rear tyre round on corners - I daren't try something like that on a big motory thing...), but the quick skip over the loose metal/plastic(?) discarded in the street caused my bike to hit the kerb and me to hit the embankment. I am royally cheesed (and muddy). Whilst I managed to come off safely and scoop my bike out of the road before any traffic came down, I have knocked the end off my "handbrake" on the right (fortunately not the one you normally use) and have damaged the left front floorplate (this is actually a strip of siding, not the actual floorplate. That's fine). My skills were sufficient to remove said plate safely and repair my knocked loose mirror bolts, secure my frontplate, but unfortunately not my horn-switch which has disappeared inside my dashboard. So it's all mostly superficial damage, but still immensely infuriating, as I've only had the bike a couple of weeks. The good news: My bike is under warranty, so should be able to get repairs quickly and easily. The wheelfender and gravelrash will be easy enough to spray over. The Branson Blokes have booked me in and offered to fix the panel on for me too. The new parts are less than £30 total, which is even better news!

Image thanks to pixdaus.com.

Fail Quote of the Day: "I went looking for a set of drawers and came home with a piano." - Mad S.