Totally Tourists.

A touristy day round London, two very poor people looking at very expensive things mostly, Bentley's driving down the road silky-quiet, a stroll round Tiffanys to discover an entire year of my life is worth roughly one Spessartite ring. (Image of similar cut gem thanks to crystalscrystals.com) We watched Porsches glittering like airbourne fish, had a look at some marvellous frilled boots in Jimmy Choos, looked at bespoke suits in Saville Row, leaned on a superbly squishy Diesel store (honest!) and admired ridiculously high heels in Yves St Laurent. All of which were probably similarily expensive. And you know what? London is grubby.

On the other hand, I was delighted to find a touch of either Olde England, or blatant sci-fi tourism attraction. Sadly, it wasn't decked out inside, so no, he wasn't in - but why would I need an alien when I have a man JUST as weird to travel around with? Actually, it made me laugh, inside was painted plain white, empty bar for a little sink in the corner. I'm still not sure what all that was about. Did you know, last year, Doctor Who was classed as "classically English", just below tea with scones or crumpets, and just above Cricket. I did notice an awful lot of cranes and scaffolding around - a lot of the underground stations are having huge rejuvination plans in process, as well as most of the monuments being cleaned up.

I was most amused to discover the name of the to-be-biggest building in the UK: Shard of Glass. I thought that was brilliant, because with the local accent, it sounds just like "Shard of Arse"- anyone who knows my family will know this is a colloquialism for a particular type of flatulence! Turns out that "Darth Vader's Helmet", another odd glass building, leaks through the roof and that the "Glass Gerkin", designed by the same man, regularly used to drop panes out onto the streets...

However, what made me laugh most might well have been the set up to a classic joke: "How many Londoners does it take to change a lightbulb?" In this case, literally two and a cherrypicker. Health and safety gone mad?

Quote of the Day: "Oh NO! I think I've STOPPED!" - His Lordship, when a tube train pulled away at the same speed as he was walking at.