Thursday, 12 July 2012

Bible Bashing - MY turn.

I'm afraid I lost my temper today. I had one guy trying to teach me about my own religion (yes, I KNOW. I'm a minister. I'm well aware how my religion started and that's why I like it, thanks) and another guy trying to tell me that his religion accepts science so much better than mine. "As for religion verses science I think Christianity wins in integrating the two very well indeed. In fact we see no contradiction at all!"

Hmmm? The Bible doesn't contradict science and every word is true? Well, if these dudes huff hot air into my sails, I'll set off at a clip of knots!

One of my favourites - Luke 23:44-45 "And it was about the sixth hour, and there was a darkness over all the earth until the ninth hour. And the sun was darkened, and the veil of the temple was rent in the midst." - So, it went dark all over the world for three hours, and yet no-one else noticed or thought to write this down? Hmmmmm. And Mark 15:33 mentions it - yet no other writing in the world outside of "The Gospels".

(Mark 13:24 also says " the moon shall not give her light," The moon does not emit its own light.)

Revelations 1:7 - "Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him." That could only happen on a flat planet. You know, because the curvature of the earth means that items more than a few miles away are obscured. That's why you see the mast of the ship before the boat itself. Even the Vikings knew that. Ditto Ezekiel 7:2 and Isiah 40:22... Also, Matthew 4:8, same kinda problem. Even Everest isn't high enough. Oh, and Daniel 2:35 and Psalms 33:14-15.

They also mention on several occasions that the earth doesn't move, for example Micah: "ye strong foundations of the earth" Isiah says something similar and Judges does and Job 38:4-6 does and Chronicles 16:30 does. Actually, in Psalms 19:4-6 "The sun ... His going forth is from the end of the heaven, and his circuit unto the ends of it." they say the sun goes... round the earth? Heck, they knew THAT wasn't right over 500 years BC. Job 9:7 says pretty much the same thing too.

James 5:14-15: "If you are sick, rely on the power of prayer. It works every time". Hmmm. Linkie time: HERE and Psalms 103:3 - "The Lord ... who healeth all thy diseases." Yeah. See previous linkie.

Luke 4-2: "Being forty days ... And in those days he did eat nothing." Let us hit up some science HERE.

John 12:22 "Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." - again, much humming to be had. That's not quite how seeds work.

They have some interesting animal logic fails too:

Paul 28:3-6 "And when Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks, and laid them on the fire, there came a viper out of the heat, and fastened on his hand. And when the barbarians saw the venomous beast hang on his hand, they said among themselves, No doubt this man is a murderer, whom, though he hath escaped the sea, yet vengeance suffereth not to live. And he shook off the beast into the fire, and felt no harm. Howbeit they looked when he should have swollen, or fallen down dead suddenly: but after they had looked a great while, and saw no harm come to him." - Well, hang on a minute there. There are no poisonous snakes in Malta. I know, I've been there and have family there.

"the daughter of my people is become cruel, like the ostriches in the wilderness" - Lamentations 4:3. Ostriches are very attentive parents and good adoptive parents (even if they can't tell the difference!) HERE - and Psalms 39:13-16. What IS it about Christians and ostriches?!

Psalm 58:8 "As a snail which melteth, let every one of them pass away" - I've only seen snails melt and die when you chuck salt on them. I don't, I like snails.

Leviticus 11:20: Four-legged fowls are abominations. When was the last time you saw a bird with more than two legs? I'd say it was an abomination - it would be a mutant. I did see a kitten with eight legs once: HERE. Mind you, they're not always certain what a bird is. Apparently a bat might be a bird: "And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat." (Leviticus 11:19)

Genesis 3:14 "And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life" - I've kept snakes. Snakes don't eat dust. Otherwise, I'd have a very clean house. Unless they were confusing it with the nozzle of a +Henry Hoover-Robinson ? (Soz Martyn, had to.)

I won't pick on Genesis too much. +Rich Peall has already mentioned how ... unstable most of that book is in comparison to science. I just couldn't resist that one though.

"Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee?" Wut, Psalms 39:9-10 - unicorns?! Oh, silly me, apparently they ARE real because God has "the strength of a unicorn." (Numbers 23:22 and 24:8)

Timothy 6:20 even says: "Science falsely so called"

"Then I beheld all the work of God, that a man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun: because though a man labour to seek it out, yet he shall not find it; yea farther; though a wise man think to know it, yet shall he not be able to find it." - Ecclesiastes 8:7 and something similar in 3:11 and not to mention 7:24 "That which is far off, and exceeding deep, who can find it out?" - Yeah. We're doing a pretty good job of discovering lots of scientific stuff without "God's" help thanks ;) Impossible, I think not.

Also, Mum - if you're trying to think of something to get me for Christmas - I'd like a copy of this in a nice frame. ;)

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