I have come to the conclusion that I'm doing a few things wrong - and that I need to fix these issues.
a) I keep seeking validation from others.
a) I keep expecting my father to make an expression of "I'm proud of you".
a) I keep procrastinating over things that I can do - putting them off for no good reason.
b) I have got much better at saying "I don't know" and trying to learn (at work, etc) as well as taking responsibility for and admitting and fixing my own errors.
b) I have got much better at expressing my concerns and my faults. (This post - made public, deliberately, is an effort to work on this.)
b) I have realised I have pretty good eyebrows. Not sure why, but they're nice.
b) I have got used to the idea that I'm always going to be tall and broad (even if I was five stone lighter, my shoulders and hips are always going to be this wide! And I'd be anorexic.)
b) I'm pretty sure ALL people have problem finding clothes that actually fit right, and that it only LOOKS like other size groups of shoes look more exciting than what's available in my range in the shop...
Further improvements required:
c) I need to find more joy (even in the boring bits) in my job.
c) I need to accept that my father and I simply aren't compatible.
c) I need to make a better effort to connect with the rest of my family - more regularly. (With thanks to Mum and Nan for their efforts as always - it is always appreciated!)
c) I need to remember the stuff I don't look forward to usually turns out to be not nearly so bad. And is usually satisfying at the end.
c) I need to learn to accept gifts, and not feel guilty if I can't return the favour. My family are giving me gifts because they can, not because they expect the same in return, not because they're the Mafia and I owe them a favour! (Though I'd never refuse a request if I can help!)
c) I need to stop procrastinating about joining the gym. I know it's bloody expensive, but I do need to take better care of myself. See, I'm doing it now.