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Here's His Lordship in Simpson form! He says: "Don't I look stunningly casual yet simplisticly handsome, even in my Simpson form?" May I point out, this is someone whom occasionally catches sight of himself in reflective surfaces and goes "yeeeaaaah." He also does the two handed pointing. Personally, I think his Simpsonian visage does him justice and is suitably geeky!

Windows 7: Top 10 features to look forward to - A response from His Lordship. (Article to be seen on http://lifehacker.com/5078582/top-10-things-to-look-forward-to-in-windows-7)

While perusing the interwebs we happened across the site boasting the 'top 10' things we, the almighty and wonderful computer consumer public, want.

Let’s be fair. I'll set out this rant with some background history.

When Win XP arrived, I pooh-poo'd it as worthless, over-complicated computerised junk. Over time I have come to terms with the fact that I now use XP as it has become the standard *sigh...* So when Windows Vista (see also: "cash cow") came about I instantly took a dislike to it, as being a somewhat techie nerd I was appalled by the system requirements. After having used this wondrous new system I... still hated it and, to this day, still use the lesser of two evils, XP.

Most people I know still use XP, except for a few blind fools suffering from the technological version of ‘ooh shiny’ syndrome: “It’s the latest. It’s new. It must be better than everything else simply because!” Well F*** that! Microsoft have already had money off of me more than once, as the saying goes: "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice…" Ya get the idea.

So here comes Windows 7. Yip and may I say "Eeee." Due to retail at close to somewhere in the region of seventwobuhzillion pounds. (And that’s not accounting for the new computer you’ll need to run it no doubt!)

Enough, I digress; back to the point at hand. 10 things we have all been ignorant enough not to know that we needed previously, but now know we need them because we’ve been told we do.

Number 10:
Vista introduced a sidebar full of useful bits'n'bobs, Win7 will see the sidebar become a collection of free floating gadgets. As an XP user when I saw the vista gadgets, I liked what I saw. And now have Vista Rainbar running happily, complete with free floating gadgets.

Conclusion: I already have this feature. Win7 can go suck. (Get your free Rainbar here! http://gavatx.deviantart.com/art/Vista-Rainbar-V4-81263212)

Number 9:
An overhaul of calculator, paint and wordpad (and the removal of an OS native picture gallery and movie editor). Although IBF has come up with valid reason for some of the supposed changes in these features, quite frankly who cares about a mortgage calculator! Calculator: it’s a calculator. For anything more complex: use a spreadsheet. Which brings me to the other parts of this: Wordpad. Really? I can't think of the last time I actually used Wordpad. Hint here: OpenOffice. Nuff said.

Conclusion: Win7 can go suck. (Get your free OpenOffice here! http://www.openoffice.org),

Number 8:
Win7 will incorporate "intelligent battery saving features" enable your laptop batteries to last longer. I myself am typing this up on a laptop, albeit a huge, table-esque laptop and, I'm sorry windows 7, but I already have "intelligent battery saving features". I can right now pull the plug from my battery charger and before I have even let go I know my laptop would have turned off various unessential things, lowered screen brightness, etc etc…

Conclusion: We already have this. Win7 can go suck!

Number 7:
Windows 7 will have a ‘single click’ ability to swap between WiFi networks. I’m not even going to rant over this. Every laptop (and most desktops) I know of have this feature.

Conclusion: Not even worth ranting about. Win7 can go suck.

Number 6:
“You can decide what icons you have on the system tray!” Ditto 7, this is so irritating a statement to make. Win XP can, and always has been able to do, exactly this. True, it may not be an idiot-proof selection of various options and the layperson most likely doesn’t know about it, but the fact is, it can be done. This very machine has about half its system tray icons hidden at my choosing.

Conclusion: Win7 is beginning to take the mickey and I’m getting angry at the assumption that I am thick. Win7 can well and truly go suck.

Number 5:
"Get more out of User Account Controls." This is of course is a bit of Windows Backpeddling. Vista had a glaring huge problem, requiring Administrator Authentication for almost any action, including opening Notepad. Microsoft made a balls up and are attempting to correct it - and are now making a feature of it?!

Conclusion: Quite frankly, I’ve not once had any such issue with my Win XP installation. Do I need to confirm that with Admin? No… ? Ok, I’ll keep typing. Win7 can be confirmed by an administrator to go suck.

Number 4:
I had to read #4 repeatedly to realise that MS are apparently telling users that they can share stuff in a shared folder! Wait... what? I can do that right here on XP (and Win 2000… 98, and probably 95…) Great feature Gais, I can haz bucket too?

Conclusion: Win7 can check in my shared documents for the file named "go.suck".

Number 3:
I will at this juncture add that we're a BIG believers in Open Source and Copy Left; a shining example being the Linux operating systems. Why inform you of this? Well, #3 is Windows introducing a feature which has been quite standard on Linux for some time: The ability to use an extra "space" of desktop. Win7 allows users to "stretch" their work environment. Linux achieves the same by allowing its users to jump (with a single click) to one of just about any number of separate desktop environments. So, congratulations to MS for including a feature ripped off from a freely available and competing Operating System and then charging money for it! As well as this, there will be a new "gesture driven feature" to minimise all but the open selected window. Personally I’m already happy with the "Minimise All" feature that Win XP has.

Conclusion: Win7 can go and download the freely available Go Suck.

Number 2:
Win7 will start up faster, and a good 20% faster than Win Vista. Win Vista only takes 50% longer to start up than Win XP! So that’s a gain, no, a loss of 30% start up time?! Ooooh goody, I can barely contain my sarcasm. Let's face it folks, windows is a fat and bloated P.O.S and after a year (unless you re-install it anew) slows down enough that “making a coffee while the computer starts up” turns into “going out into town for a coffee, picking up a few bits at the shops, dropping into the pub on the way home and getting back before the computer starts up”.

Conclusion: Win7 can eventually, once it's booted, go suck.

Number 1:
I’ll make this point in English: Win7 will have a program launch bar on which you can have icons of programs to start them with 1 click, not even having to bother with the almighty strain of using the start menu. OH Good Lord! I must have Win7 installed because I already have this! A bar of icons for my most used programs that launch with naught but a solitary click of my trusty mouse pointer! "Huzzaaah!" I hear you all cry. So Microsoft, what’s the deal here? You're introducing me to a feature which I’ve been using for years. Needless to say, I’m a little confused. Is this not the same as walking up to a stranger in the street and advising them that breathing is a good and useful thing?

Conclusion: Win7 can right royally and completely go suck.

Overall conclusion of this overly expressive rant: I already have most of what this "technological miracle" is offering us and the tiny bits which I don’t have I actually don’t give a toss about, not in the slightest…

Windows 7 is a marketing exercise from a company that has long since seen its heyday. It will be peddled to the masses (and no doubt bought up by the same dribbling idiots that suffer from "ooh shiny" syndrome that made Vista lucrative). Its interface will no doubt be dumbed down to a point that anyone with an IQ above 50 will have to undergo a lobotomy just to be able to use it. (IBF: Well, they do advertise on TV that six year olds can do it.) Quite frankly, Windows Vista was too much. A spit-polished turd. Windows 7 brings me to a point of exasperation whereby I can no longer believe that people still fall for the same crap over again and pay money for it.