Broke into a Bank...

This week is one of those weeks. A colleague gave me a lift to work and on the way we encountered massive early traffic jams. Each time we turned round and tried a different route, we discovered a different obstruction or jam. In total we had: a tractor, a dustbin lorry, a broken down bus, a coach badly parked on a narrow blind corner and various queues at roundabouts. Today was an impressive variation on the above: I forgot my keys, and picked up the spares at our nearest branch to discover I had the wrong ones. On the way back out to go swap them, my colleague stepped forwards to tell a customer we wouldn't be opening just yet - and the security door clicked shut.

This doesn't sound too bad, I know. And it wouldn't be too bad, if it were a normal branch. A normal branch you key your code and you're in. However. This old and very small branch doesn't work like that. It's got a step lock, a little lever that flips up to stop the door opening that you have to stand on to release. That's fine, except for the fact that we were BOTH on the wrong side of this bizarre door. No-one to step on the lock.

So this morning I had to break into a bank. Please note, this isn't useful to anyone wanting to actually steal anything or hold up a bank - it's not fast enough or fluid enough, it'd be too easy to trap the wannabe for the cops. It's a unique feature of our weird branch that I was able to do it and the fact that I had plenty of time to do it. Basically, we have a two sided cupboard for passing through larger items; when one door is open, the other is locked. I had to take off my jacket and shoes, spend several minutes unhooking the dual door mechanism (otherwise trying to open one door means the other shuts), climb in and unscrew the locking mechanism the on OTHER door, lift it out and slide through on the rails. If there was a cashier, the first door would have been locked down and I would never have been able to open it, never mind get through. But if there WAS a cashier the other side, I would have just asked them to open the step lock. Sorry wannabe - it's just not doable if you're after cash.

Kind-of-Quote of the Week: His Lordship hasn't been having an easy ride of it either this week - his persistent cough turned out to be the symptom of a mystery allergy, so now he has to use a spray morning and night. He says "it smells like perfumed ARSE." I had to giggle, poor blokey. When He came to bed, I leaned over to give Him a g'night kiss and stopped. "Hey. Your nose smells." I go. "I know, that's what it's for." says He. "No," says I, "I mean it really smells. Your nose smells like perfumed ARSE."