F you Flu!

On the plus side, my new bathroom is kinda cosy, my new bath mat surprisingly comfy and the P shaped bath means there's a nice curve to lean from. The things you learn, hey?

In no particular order however, these are some of the things that have made me feel a little better today:

Sweet chilli chicken sandwiches, custard doughnuts, Thorntons Chocolates, Rich, cups of tea, lizards, TiVo, the tiler doing a good job, seriously cute stuff on the internet, my parcels arriving on time, grapes and Stephen Hawking.

I also emailed one of the physicists working on the "quantum pacemaker" with Rich's recipe for melted cheese and received a joke back in return: "You know what they say about Heisenburg's sex life? When he has the time, he can't find the energy, and when he finds the right position he can't get enough momentum."

Which of course prompted an outbreak of spectacular physics jokes from the nerdier of my friends (including two molecular biologists and a dude who writes care manuals for super magnets, installed at places like CERN.) The best has to be this one:

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are pulled over by a traffic cop. The cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies helpfully, "No, but I know where I am."
The cop says, "You were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg becomes distressed and says, "Oh great, now I'm lost!"
The cop, confused by this, thinks they must be high, and goes to look in their trunk. Opening it, he says, "Do you guys know you have a dead cat in here?"
Schrodinger says, "We do now, a**hole!"

A lesson learned, a smile earned. I just found a pumpkin seed on the bathroom floor.
What's that all about?

Speedy updates!

HairsYourChance officially closed - having raised at least £875.44!

Yvonne, the local MacMillan lady sends her warmest thanks to all of you for all her efforts. My nan sent me a hand knitted woolly hat.

In other news, apparently I have to get my electrician in to wire up the cooker and hob ignition. I wish they'd have said, because my sparky has gone on holiday. So, I have a nice new kitchen with non functioning cooker and hob until he gets back. Their electrician can't do it because he hasn't done any of the other electrics in the house.

Well... Great.

Pirate Evening

Well, if you're going to do International Talk Like a Pirate Day, you have to do it in style - particularly if you're a Pastafarian. So, when he came home from a long day of pillagin' not-so-wealthy businessmen, this is what His Lordship had waitin' on his sofa.

The lovely lady at Denix was most amused - she wasn't aware that TLaPDay existed (it really does) and was kind enough to send my parcel express overnight courier for no extra charge.

The top gun is a rather nice brass William Bailes Italian Flintlock Percussion Lock Pistol, designed in 1825 - and the bottom gun is my heavy Bailes English double-barrelled turnover pistol, designed in 1750.

Not only are they magnificently piratey (though defunct), but they're also legal to carry in public under the current replica firearms laws.

Pirate Day

ROIGHT! Now ye listen 'ere and ye listen GOOD, yer 'ear me?!

It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so hand o'er all yer good stuffs an' pledge allegiance ter tha +Flying Spaghetti Monster - or oim ter run yer through wi' moi colander, and strain dubloons from yer pockets tha' way.

DO yer underrrrstant me, yer salt encrusted scabs of scurvy BILGE RATS!?!

An' iffen ye want to Poiratificaaaaate yer GOOGLES, well lookie here ya scurvy bilge rats - thar's no excuse, cuz now yer can, 'ERE!

Flying Dragon Update...

The dragons are ADORING the brand new and ginormous P-shaped bath tub in our new house. Tsam was an absolute gentleman at bath time, even when Hyphen started making a fuss, and Sandy sat on him. He knows bath time means towel time, and he loves to snuggle in his blue blanket.

Mocha drank and drank and drank and drank until she had to sit up suddenly and go "GASP!" Yeah, you need to breathe. She loves water, but she's not YET aquatic.

Jacques is still in quarantine, but is beginning to understand the purpose of baths. It doesn't mean he will be any less grumpy about it though. He's still a lot skinnier than I'd like, but his eyebrows are nicely domed, his head isn't concave at the top, his weight is steadily increasing (181g at last count) and his bones don't stick out so badly - not to mention he's not pulling filthy black faces at me nearly as often any more!

Hyphen has lost the fight to that lizard shaped bit of carpet on the floor on several occasions. Poor Hyphen. He's beginning to think his name might be "Stupid." Well, up until recently... I'm actually rather impressed with Hyph - he's found something he is genuinely good at!

Even Tsammy, the brightest of the dragons so far, can't manage the ferret ball. Hyphen's got the right combination of size and weight and a natural ability to counter the wobble. 

Busy busy busy...

Springbok steak, chargrill rare, with red wine and mushroom sauce. It is utterly divine.

If you haven't had the opportunity to try it, I strongly encourage you to source some. It is nicer even than sirloin.

I can't BEGIN to tell you just how good it was; simply that it was worth the £240 train fare...

This last couple of weeks has been kinda quiet, blogwise - because it's been lots hectic. Long story short - looks like we might have a friend who wants to borrow the old house (until everything sorts out and we can sell it). Means I don't have to pay a grand and a half in insurances and tax, so I certainly don't mind.

Over £750 and counting for MacMillan Cancer Support

"Shave It" roared in as the strong winner, with over a £60 lead with Natwest's pledge landing us over £750 in total for MacMillan! I have to thank you all so much - so "Hairsyourchance" to see what happened next...


The pages are still open at www.justgiving.com/yeshair and www.justgiving.com/cuthair, but of course voting is now complete.

2:28 - he accidentally dropped a clump of my hair in my lap - and I was "what the... holy cow! Lookit..."
2:58 - "Yuck!" (I don't like loose hairs at the best of times!)
3:49 - the lovely reporter from the Chronicle arrived.
4:53 - that's the sign and the big cheque being held up for the first of the photos - my friend Dale is helping the papers get pictures. The nice girl from reception is holding the video camera!
5:50 - and now they want me to hold chunks of my hair. Icky! :P

6:45 - Dale's stealing a "hilarious" half-and-half hair pic. Thanks mate... hahaha!
7:44 - I'd been asked how much we'd raised at that point, and I was trying to check the www.justgiving.com/cuthair and www.justgiving.com/yeshair pages. My eyesight is terrible! (£740 something at that point, including NatWest's £250 donation.)
10:16 - hahahahaha, it's like a pathetic dog's tail...
10:22 - aaaaaand... gone.
11:03 - this isn't my best angle. Feels WEIRD.
Totally worth it.

Thanks to my partner, Rich (Yamabamlo) glimpsed in the mirror at 02:45 for recording this, and putting huge amounts of work into the #hairsyourchance to Shave It or Save It project with me - as well as to Toni&Guy, ForbesBurton, NatWest and all you wonderful people from G+ and in the wild for all your help, donations and voting: we raised well over £750 for MacMillan! 

So that's it from me - and until next year, thank you everyone! :D

Ayeaye Cap'n!

We tried out some names today.
He didn't like Colin. "Blergh."
He didn't like George. "Glaaaah."
He didn't like Arthur. "RLLLlerrrrh."
He DID like Jacques. "Nom?"

So I'd like to introduce Captain Jacques In-Parentheses Mardyarse. (Though "Mardyarse" might change as his character develops.) He still lunges and bites like a bull terrier, hanging on tight with his sawblade back teeth though. Oh well, can't expect miracles overnight.

But you CAN expect them over the course of a bath it seems!

I use a special, home-formulated mix I designed for the dragons, based on pure olive oil and lye with lemon and spinach extracts. You could eat it if you wanted, but it's terribly, terribly salty tasting. I know, I've tried it. And now, so has he.

"RARGHHH! BITE!... Ick! Yick, yick yick ptooey.... RAWRHHH! BITE! Bleck! Eeeeeeuuuuuw. Pteh, blah, yuck... RRRRRAAAAAactuallyno. That's not a good idea. Grue."

Bitey Bugger!

It's sad really. All dragons hit a "teenage" phase, a period of three days to three months where they act out and try to be boss, usually between the age of six and nine months. A dragon turns out like this little guy when they have either an inexperienced, scared owner, or one that just doesn't give a damn.

Once a lizard thinks it is the boss, it is quite difficult to get them back out of it again - they have no reason to trust the inferior creatures that should bring them food and then piss off.

For those that could do with learning, this is the first step to putting an aggressive and undernourished dragon back in their place. I don't tolerate being bitten at - but I do take the opportunity to stuff a tasty food in there.

With the aid of His Lordship's Goretex gloves, the little guy's already accidentally eaten five dragon fly larvae and most of two grapes whilst trying to attack my fingers - that'll do wonders for his severe dehydration.

Tomorrow, vitamin coated tasty things. And to order some new light fittings.

It seems the little guy didn't understand fun previously either. He has spent the last half hour running up and down this big bit of cork bark I've given him, apparently in a great sense of ... well, considering how scared and angry he is, comparative joy.

With persistence, I finally managed to securely catch him and he calmed down (well, stopped freaking out) long enough to get some oxbow vitamin and protein herbivore mix with added calcium in him.

You just have to be patient and firm with angry dragons - and watch out for those back teeth. The front teeth are pointy and sharp, yes, but the BACK teeth are saw blades built directly into the powerfully muscled jawbone and are like razors.

Use armoured gloves if you have a dragon that is dedicated and determined to deal a nasty blow. You'll thank me later.

Lizards Landing...

Phew!

Everything survived the journey - the removals guys did an amazing job - they can lift some impressive weight! Terry's tank went into the alcove with less than millimetres to spare; I'm just glad I'd had enough brains to calculate the new flooring into the plan and his tank actually scraped off the top layer of paint from the wall as the removals men slid it in under the alcove.

Admittedly, I hadn't calculated THIS little guy into my plan though.

We haven't got a name for him yet, but he's the last rescue I can take on - I literally don't have room for any more. Six dragons is more than enough for me, and this little dude is enough trouble for three dragons by himself. There's no WAY he's been handled regularly - he's seriously vicious.

But we'll break him. After all, we managed to crack the dangerous Miss Mocha, so we can certainly sort this little chap out.

My main concern is his health, rather than his attitude - he's dangerously underweight and in terrible condition - the heating is too low (I have a handy long range laser thermometer; very useful for taking measurements without actually having to get close to violent and scared reptiles.) and he's got a crappy "curly bulb", which isn't providing anywhere NEAR enough light or UV levels. Bearing in mind he's supposed to be nearly two years old, he's dangerously under weight - his spine sticks out, his tail is a bony whip. Hyphen's the same age and is literally twice the weight.

Mind you, his attitude is pretty appalling too.

He's fast and nasty with it - the moment he sees you, you can see he gets uncomfortable, sootying round the face and flaring his ribs. Get closer, and he flaps out this square little beard and starts darting forward.

Bring on His Lordship and the Goretex gloves.

It's probably going to be the only way we're going to be able to handle him - and we need to handle him to get medicines into him, not to mention supplements. We need to get weight on him, and fast.

Having said that though, he eats well. A little too well. I don't think he's seen actual food for a long time, and he definitely hasn't seen water before.

Poor little sod.

Luggin' the Lizards

Here it is - moving day at last...

The glorious new floor is a laid, the living room walls are now a delicious confection of cool creamy custard yellow with meringue coving and the kitchen is ... um, raw plaster.

But never mind! Even Tsammy's got into the swing of helping pack and move things - it's always fun to find a self-propelling box. Saves me the hassle of moving it, I guess.

When he's not helping move boxes, he's making me proud - curled up quietly in his basket and acting as a perfect role model to the others. They're all a little nervous as they know something is going on, though quite what, they're not sure.

At least their tanks will be quick and easy to stack back together, and normalcy will shortly be restored.

Terryterry isn't keen on being shut in a plastic box, but he'll get over it once he realised there's a handful of waxworms in there. He coped last time, and he was in his tub for over 24 hours - he's only in there 14 hours this time.

I have to tape it shut because he's a very bright little lizard - smart enough to lift up the lid, tip the box over, wriggle out and escape back into the undergrowth of his vivarium.


Speaking of which - I'm a little worried about Terry's tank. It is HUGE and incredibly heavy, but I've measured that alcove over and over and over and over...

Oh. Apparently the millipedes are also bright enough to copy Terry and bust out. Well, that's a bit inconvenient.

Two weeks to go...

Nice one - I don't even have my collection tins yet, and in less than a week we've already raised £150 for Macmillan! I'm really impressed with you guys, thank you so much!


We've still got another couple of weeks to go, so #Hairsyourchance to make a difference - put your money where your mouth is and vote whether I keep my hair or not. On August 31st, I will be tallying up the funds raised on each side - and the side with the most votes/pounds will win - and decide what happens to my hair. It's scary, but it's going to be a whole heap of fun finding out what happens. After all, people with cancer don't get a choice whether they lose their hair or not, so I felt it was only appropriate that I should be held by the same dilemma. I'm not brave - the nurses are MUCH braver than me.  They're here for you - so I'm just trying to return the favour. 

Will you vote to help me keep my hair?
http://www.justgiving.com/yeshair

Or are you voting so I will shave my head?
http://www.justgiving.com/cuthair/

You can also text to 70070 to make a £1 donation:
Text HAIR53 to save my hair
Text HAIR94 to shave my head

We also have corporate sponsorship, with NatWest offering to give us a separate donation of £250 if we raise £250 ourselves, Toni&Guy are on board too, offering to cut or colour whatever the result, and ForbesBurton are using their business contacts to help fundraise as well as sponsor themselves. They're even suggesting a cheering party for the day! If you have a business - or even if you don't - you're VERY welcome to join in the fun, 

From destruction to creation...

So, it's all go-go-go at the moment - we're moving house on Thursday and there is SO much to do between working and sleeping. When I'm not packing, or moving stuff, we have been working hard at the new house trying to get it ready for moving in. I've just taken a quick break to update my blog.

His Lordship has been taking apart old units and designed me a lovely wash-bin insert into a new built-in cupboard unit, and has remodelled and repaired the massive wardrobes in his new study. He's also done a wonderful job of cleaning up the brick barbecue and freeing it from the immense swathes of stubborn, ancient ivy.

Having merrily totalled the old kitchen a couple of weeks back, I've been continuing with my no-nonsense brand of mess-reduction: I promptly kicked apart the old potting rack taking up so much room down the side of the house, ripped up a big, tough patch of dune-grass and startled my grandmother by single-handedly taking down a laburnum tree, then heaving out the root-stock.

I now have a nice clear kitchen garden, with some lovely low-creeping thyme and a lush, silvery leafed sage. For some reason, I can't seem to find rosemary anywhere in this town. Six different species of lavender, but no rosemary. Eh. At least we'll have some lovely rhubarb next year. It'll be very happy where that laburnum used to be.

The lizards are bemused at all the fuss, but are otherwise happy enough. I don't think they've remembered that lots of boxes mean they have to move. Heheheh, poor suckers...

Hair's Your Chance - Sponsor update!

My partner (+Rich Peall) lost both his parents last year to cancer, so this year I'm raising money for #macmillan, to help pay for #macmillannurses to continue their good work and to thank the #macmillanprofessionals for all their help. 

#Hairsyourchance to make a difference - put your money where your mouth is andvote whether I keep my hair or not!

Will you vote to help me keep my hair?
http://www.justgiving.com/yeshair

Or are you voting so I will shave my head?
http://www.justgiving.com/cuthair/

You can also text to 70070 to make a £1 donation:
Text HAIR53 to save my hair
Text HAIR94 to shave my head

On August 31st, I will be tallying up the funds raised on each side - and the side with the most votes/pounds will win - and decide what happens to my hair. It's scary, but it's going to be a whole heap of fun finding out what happens. After all, people with cancer don't get a choice whether they lose their hair or not - so I felt it was only appropriate!

Toni&Guy in Grimsby were thrilled with the #Hairsyourchance project, and have kindly offered to shave it all off for those of you voting to cut it. They've also offered to add a green flash into my existing hair if those of you voting to keep it win! 

ForbesBurton (the business recovery specialists) are offering sponsorship and NatWest have also pledged that, if I can raise over £250, they will give us an additional £250 donation towards the cause. If that's not a good reason to chuck a few pennies in, I don't know what is! 

Cancer affects us all at some point, directly or indirectly, so #Hairsyourchance to get involved and place your votes!

There's also these nifty QR codes you can print off - people with smartphones can scan these weird square barcode things with their mobile phones to go straight to the right page.

We've got a discussion about it on GooglePlus, where loads of people are doing a wonderful job of spreading the word and I'm hoping to get a Hashtag campaign going for Hair'sYourChance. 

I'd link the Facebook version, but I can't work out how to do that. The new Timeline is making things a little complicated - sorry! 

I know my lovely Rich is going to forward it on Twitter and a few of his other, professional social networks - though I'd certainly appreciate extra shares if you're willing to spread the word! 

I'm also thinking of setting up eBay auctions for Yes and No later on, one for each "pot" - so watch this space.

If anyone has any fundraising suggestions or a more inventive way to spread the love, let me know - I'd be delighted for the help. 

There's even a little notice board on the donating site, so you can leave messages either here or there for me - I promise I'll do my best to reply to every message.

Even if you can't spare a couple of pennies, can you pass the word on for me? Macmillan have confirmed my Hairsyourchance project is unique, and I'd love people to hear about it.

Thanks, 

Amber :)

A Owl?

Either English isn't this dude's first language, or he has an awesome sense of humour, or I should worry about the state of people today... I saw an ebay listing for "A OLD OIL CAN". So, thinking it was just a typo (then copied and pasted into the description) I sent in a question for the giggles: "Izzit like a owl?"

I received [SIC]: "i am sorry i donot no want you mead a bout it looks like a owl. i just took pic. thanks" Mind you, further investigation reveals that he likes "colactables" and "a antique" or two - and I discovered what is now my all-time favourite listing: "a collactable door stop of a dog". Something about that phrase really tickles me. 

My brain reads that and translates it as: "Ugh. Rover's a complete door stop of a dog."